Witches' Kitsune Guardian
by The Swordslinger
Summary: What do you do when you have all the time in the world, you've accomplished most of your goals, and have a world filled with people fighting for blind hatred? One Naruto Uzumaki just takes it upon himself to protect the people he feels connected to, the outcasts chased by what they are. He chooses to protect the witches. Immortal Naruto. May or may not be harem.
1. Chapter 1

I OWN NOTHING

I could be honest and say all I do to start new fics is to think of cool outfits Naruto could've worn instead of his canon clothes, but that would make more sense than my usual stuff.

**XXXXXX**

Seek your side

Rage, pure and simple, such a basic emotion that was achieved by crossing over their negative emotions of destruction, over a single line no-one knew. It was impossible to determine what it was, but those who suffered it knew one thing, they wanted to do something that meant to destroy. Either with words, fists, or with well thought out plans, the end of something was needed.

His entire life one person thought they didn't need anger, and as such he was paying the price. He always believed anger was unnecessary, that it'd turn him into a monster. If he let his anger win, simply losing control over his emotions would make him destroy what he loved. However, he remembered that the one few times he grew angry he was able to protect what he wanted at the time.

He didn't want to use his anger to become a monster, if true wrath brought him power, then he'd use it to protect someone as he always wanted. He wanted to crack the skulls of those who hurt his very few friends, he desired to deliver an onslaught against those who badmouthed him and others, his every fiber urged him to completely exterminate anything that dared to threaten what little happiness he had in the world. For him it was currently just a manner of time.

"Listen well, you ass clowns! So long as I, Uzumaki Motherfucking Naruto draws breath, you're not getting your hands on anyone here!"

The image that accompanied those words was of a lone man standing as proud as he could in a temple made of stone. He had a mop of blond messy hair, harsh blue eyes, a tanned skin, a very strong and muscular but not overly buff body, and strange whisker marks on his cheeks. He was clad in only a blood red full-body jumpsuit, like a prisoner's outfit, and had the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His feet were covered by steel-toed black boots. Behind the man was group of elderly women, all of them hugging between themselves a terrified little girl who covered her face with her hood, and in front of him were several monsters, Kishins.

One of the women behind him looked in horror, "Are those… high level Kishin? Actual humans whose souls are so covered in darkness they become real demons…?"

The blond grabbed his neck and cracked it, giving the monsters a scowl as he spoke to the women, "You should get behind… It's been a while since I've fought… I don't even know my own strength, but these freaks just piss me off. No matter what happens, don't get involved, I don't want to hurt any of you if I get really mad."

The girl tried to take a look at the man who stood up for her and the elders, but before she could pull her hood off she was snatched by one of the monsters. It easily held her with just one massive hand as it moved her had into its now opened mouth, with jaws big enough to swallow her whole but she knew her death wouldn't be so simple. The other women cried and tried to reach her, but before they could use their powers to do so, someone else did.

"Don't you…fucking dare to…" the blond man started, "HURT MY FRIEND!"

In the next second, the girl watched as her captor's jaw flew off, along the eyeballs and shattered bones from the nose and what was inside the skull. She was let down from the now dead monster, which body twitched with the spasms of death as if it were trying to get up only for a foot to smear its now completely shattered skull and minced brains on the ground with a stomp.

The pack of Kishins turned to him and rushed with opened mouths, and the blond just gave them a look of pure rage as he charged back. Three lunged at him, one biting on his shoulder and digging its fangs deeply, another punched him in the face, and the used large claws to tear into his side with large and deep gashes. The blond let out another roar, he grabbed the one on his shoulders and pulled him off violently, tearing his clothes and leaving large and deep gashes on his shoulder which didn't stop him from punching it repeatedly in the face. The blond lunged at the monster and pinned it down, still punching its head with raw fury in his eyes until his fists hit only a puddle of blood and fleshy pulp in the hard floor of the stony temple.

He stood up, spitting out three teeth and blood, and raced at the monsters. The one that tried to tear his body to pieces lunged again, only for the blond to punch one of his arms so hard, that not only did he harm the creature, he destroyed both its and his own arm. From both the blond man and the monster's shoulders, large chunks of meat and ribbons of skin hung from the lumps where their limb used to be. But instead of crying in agony like the monster, the blond jumped and kicked it in the face, forcing its brains and pieces of its skull along the now squished eyes to fly out the back of its head.

"All of you... Every single one of you freaks are dead!" the blond roared as he charged, extending the lump where his arm used to be, shocking the groups of witches when the bite on the shoulder started to close with skin soon covering it while veins popped out of the lump where his arm used to be, covering new grown bone and merging with expanding muscle and skin. They could even see the three missing teeth in his mouth, set in a deep sneer, take their place to show sharper than normal fangs. Even his outfit started to regenerate.

And all the while, the blond abused this, he'd lose a limb or two, even had half his face or his Adam's apple ripped off by claws, and yet all he did was to tank through all the attacks and rip every single monster before him to shreds. A monster ripped off his jaw half his jaw, leaving his tongue hanging out while part of his mouth hung from the cheek, but he responded by slamming both fists on both sides of its skull, crushing the head like a squishy pancake and setting his jaw back in place with a sickening crack and not a word of pain.

The witches watched in awe as the man's primal wrath took care of the monsters. He didn't feel pain or if he did he just accepted it, his mind was just set in destroying every single creature before him. And once he was done, he took in a moment to look at the spectacle around him, red orbs of pure malicious energy coming out of the dead carcasses. The blond wiped his hands off his and his enemies' blood as their bodies disappeared into the Kishin eggs. He turned to the witches, until the little one ran at him and hugged his legs.

"Oi, it's all right." He said, trying to sound reassuring despite not being used to being, well, social in any way or form.

"But… they hurt you… and I… I just wanted to see… I wanted…"

"It's fine, I'm not letting anyone hurt any of you." He said and tried his best to hug her comfortingly, letting the girl wrap her arms around his neck. He decided to try something, if a bit forceful, "Can you promise me something?"

"What is it?"

He smiled, "If you smile for me, if you stop crying, I will keep on fighting without truly getting hurt."

"But you'd still-"

"Hey, if I fight knowing you won't cry, all the pain I get will melt. Trust me, it's what made me beat this guys without feeling anything, so please, don't cry. Smile."

The girl pulled back, rubbed her tearful eyes, and looked at him, letting her hood fall. She was a small girl with short blonde hair, amber eyes and a face with some reptilian traits, a little witch with dark powers, and her smile, her true smile, was something Naruto wouldn't trade even if it cost him his life.

XXXXXX

"Ugh…"

A groan was heard in an abandoned house as a lone blond man sat on his bed, grabbing his face like he was suffering through a hangover. Somehow, he did feel like it, "Come on, old fart… It's been years since then." he groaned to himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose and simultaneously rubbing he sand off his eyes. Once was up he got dressed, trying to stifle a yawn but failing miserably. He then looked at the window on his room, through the planks that sealed it some light came out, and due to some of them having fallen with time he was able to see the outside of the city he was laying low in.

While not looking as old as he was making himself to be, he certainly was, the blond thought with some cynicism. Well, nothing that his morning rituals and some warm ups couldn't solve. That is to say he stood there, with a half-eaten chocolate bar in his mouth for breakfast, his hands on his pockets, an old and dusty radio broadcasting some old classical rock music on the background, and a good dozen meisters that had woke him up with their arrival.

Each and every single one of the Kishin hunters stood ready for action, their weapons drawn and their eyes fixed on the lazy looking, seemingly young man chewing on his candy without giving two wet farts about their existence. He just stood there, waiting for anything, an attack, some stupid conversation started by a negotiator, or perhaps breakfast to try to get on even levels with him. He seriously needed to start making himself breakfast soon, he was getting hungry, and lazily chewing on a chocolate wasn't doing much. Oh dears, he was really getting old.

"How did you find me?" the blond asked, a bit irritated at the sun smiling with its light getting to his tired eyes.

One single meister spoke up, "We tracked you down, it was a bit easy since we asked people about an old whiskered man."

Ruffling his hair in exasperation at the words about his age, the blond turned a cynical eye at the soldiers, "Do you have some coffee then?" he said once he finally swallowed his candy.

The apparent leader blinked in confusion, "Um… no…"

"An omelet?"

"No." the leader said a bit more tired.

"And there you lost me." The immortal said as he cracked a few of his joints to get some blood pumping, "So, what is it you're here for? Because my answer remains the same, Death should know, he's a big boy now… In fact, internally he's still the brat I once met."

One meister turned to his partner, "Is this the legendary immortal? He… doesn't seem like much." Naruto stared at the man, before the others watched the immortal's right arm disappear in a blur. The meister that had spoken fell flat on his back with a red mark on his forehead shaped like two fingers, and the blond man's now extended arms had only his index and middle fingers extended in the same way needed to properly smack an undisciplined child, if one still went for the old fashioned tactics of using pain as discipline.

"Who else wants to have a word with the old man?" Naruto asked, curling his two fingers in a 'come on' motion to the soldiers who immediately gave a step back, "Thought so, now, spill the beans before I decide to use you guys as training dummies…"

"How can Lord Death respect this guy when he's so hostile?" another meister asked, and soon he was kissing the dirt too.

"Anyone else?" Naruto asked as he kept his hand and two fingers extended. "And to answer his question, you're all too fucking young to even know what happened, but if there's a reason Death tells you meisters that you shouldn't mess with me is because back in a very old war I could've killed every single one of your ancestors but settled for kicking their asses. Be grateful I'm not cruel enough to take the life of someone loved by his parents unless they deserve it." Here he clenched his extended hand into a fist to emphasize his point, making the soldiers gulp and nod respectfully.

The leader decided to finally speak, "There's actual trouble with one of your witches, Naruto-san."

The blond stared at the meister with a scowl, "Trouble, or was she running away from humans hunting her?"

"What does he mean people hunting them? They got it well deserved, creating chaos and-"

Soon Naruto was gone in a blur, before his right fist sunk the jaw of the third meister to piss him off that morning into his face. The other meisters backed away in shock at the old immortal's speed while their partner flew off into the sky, only to land five seconds later in a crumbled heap, still alive but breathing heavily. The blond didn't look at the others, he just clenched, unclenched, and once again clenched his fist to give them a silent threat of how his patience was now nonexistent.

The leader back off, waving his arms frantically, "N-No, nothing of the sort! There's just… well, this rumor that a witch is with the wrong company…"

Naruto's neck seemed to creak as he turned to the leader, walked to him, and reached to the now paralyzed man that couldn't move in fear. The blond then pulled out a sheet of paper poking out of the man's pocket and walked off, not even giving the meisters a word. Their leader then fell to his knees, his soul threatening to escape his mouth.

XXXXXX

"Back off!"

Shouting at the top of his lungs a lone figure stood surrounded by a hundred enemies and yet the lone man didn't dare to step back as he gave powerful roars and kept on slamming down everyone in his path with his bare fists like a true man. Bruises, cuts and gashes covered his suit and body, and yet he wouldn't go down no matter if actual bullets, steel blades, brass knuckles, nailed baseball bats and chains hit him hard. He gritted his teeth every time one of his opponents took a cheap shot at him which he returned tenfold with a powerful fist filled with his anger, his passion and his sheer determination to win. One of his fists went to one of his enemies' jaw, dislocating it for a quick one-two combo to the face that left his fist imprinted on it.

Soon a light shone down on him to reveal a simple human man if he could be called that, showing Naruto surrounded by an army of gangsters in an underground facility. Panting hard, trying to get back a breath, he stood up as the man who could fight without pain so long as he could see a smile. He gave his enemies, the damned crooks surrounding him, a sneer before he lunged at them, taking in their strikes like a sponge would take water, and yet he wouldn't fall. He would never give the bastards the satisfaction of seeing him down as he kept on pummeling them with his bare knuckles. Even when they brought out weapons all he did was step forward and punch each and every single one of them with far more strength behind each of his arms, letting out loud cries of anger and primal instincts taking over as he utterly defeated each and every single one. He grabbed some of his enemies and swung them around like ragdolls to hit the others before throwing them into the hard ground with ease, and he would still stand tall and proud as they kept on swarming like they were endless. Soon the blond stomped one foot on the ground with such force he cracked it, making the incoming enemies stumble and fall down from the powerful quake that came from his feet.

He then turned at their leader and aimed a finger at the pudgy little man in a suit with sharp teeth, "Who do you think you are?!" the blond roared, grabbing a gangster by the collar of his expensive coat and judo-slamming him against another three. The gangster leader was completely horrified, he started to step back and run while his goons made a flesh wall between him and the blond, who roared again, "I'm trying to be a nice guy since you're not walking the path of the Kishin yet… But you're in my fucking way!" he clenched his fists and the fight went on again as he just pressed forward, delivering swift and heavy punches as he kept on taking the pain, no matter how much he'd be hurt he wasn't the kind of guy to step back from the start.

"W-What the Hell is this guy?!" A thug cried as the blond punched through a steel pipe one goon held as a weapon, sinking his fist in the crook's stomach

Naruto pumped that fist at the gangsters with a scowl, "No-one's going to say this, so I will! The fact I don't give up is the reason why I'm an unbeatable idiot!"

Every single gangster felt their jaw fall, "No one even asked you, and you insulted yourself, you idiot!" they said in unison, more in shock than in anger.

The blond slammed his fist in the face of the nearest thug, "Then shut your pie holes!"

XXXXXX

Meanwhile, watching as Naruto did a German Suplex with a thug's face slamming unto a street rail while many civilians ran off, it seemed to the figure that Naruto was doing well his job of driving out evil by smashing it out of what he thought to be the main source of all evil, the face. More than once the puppets of evil would beg to have that source not taken from them, but with both feet, a good smash or a random bike taken to squash the evil out, the thugs would have a long time to wonder if evil was worth it if a man in a red jumpsuit would rearrange your face, organs, vertebrae, and perhaps their colon if there was a cone or anything of the sort to lift the thugs over and slam their asses down on it.

"So, who was it that these guys were after?" the masked figure asked his companion in a childish tone.

"It seems it was a witch named… Angel… or something. Not many details or even a picture, just the spoken details, sorry."

"No worries, Naruto will make sure she's safe if she's one of the witches he's willing to protect."

"And what if she isn't…?"

A sad sigh escaped the masked man, "Then he will kindly stand aside… and let us handle her."

His companion sighed tiredly, "Man… That must be tough for him… I mean, I know witches love to create chaos, but this guy still sees so much in them. It makes me a bit sad that he let me have the soul of a witch so evil… I mean, that old hag was going to kill a bunch of innocent civilians for no particular reason but because she hated humans…"

"The only reason Naruto stood aside was because that witch didn't want to see past her anger against mankind. He just wants to protect those who are the victims of others' blind anger."

"Hmm… then this could be an interesting match."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the gangsters contracted a skilled swordsman, a master of the arts who is… insanely strong, to say the least."

"Oh, is that right?" the masked figure said, now with more cheer to his childish voice as he clapped large cartoonish hands, "Goodie, then bring the popcorn."

"But we don't have any."

"Don't care, bring some."

"Ah… okay, okay…"

XXXXXX

Naruto had made his way through halls, doors, and a bathroom with two maids a bit too eager to serve him to the point he sensed the obvious trap before they could stab him. All over his path was a platoon of gangsters barely alive or at the very least knocked into a one week comma. And so he had finally made it, the door to the dining room where the boss had to be hiding if that aura of disgusting power lust was any indication. He also sensed someone extraordinarily strong, so this had to be an elite bodyguard forced to work for the pudgy man.

"Hey you…" the last thug started, holding a baseball bat with nails sticking out at the blond. His suit was caked with sweat and his face spoke of his fear as he surprisingly managed to keep his stutter down, "One of us… isn't making it out of here alive." Naruto walked to the last punk with his hands on his pockets, the crook trembling as the blond looked at him with bored eyes, the immortal didn't miss a step while the thug's bat trembled madly. And then the doors were opened, courtesy of the thug who now stood by the blond man's side, bowing to him and making arm motions for him to enter the room.

With a sigh, Naruto walked in, "Good kid." He said to the thug that had been so terrified of him he wisely decided to let him pass with proper manners.

The dining room was massive, there was a gigantic table for many of the world's crime lords in its center, and at the end was the pudgy crime boss Naruto had been hunting due to the rumors of a little witch being around the wrong company. But beside the fat piece of shit was someone who made the immortal raise a brow, for this guy actually gave an aura of strength. It was a fellow blond with ashy hair flowing down his back, harsh eyes, a somewhat cheap suit with the coat put on his shoulders like a cape, a twig in his mouth, and he carried two large cases with several swords in them.

Naruto could tell this guy was good, as he gave the immortal a stoic stare that didn't give out any cockiness, so he tried his best to test this guy in a mental warfare, "Hey, Sword Boy, be a dear and let the grown-ups handle this." He said as he circled one side of the table, while the swordsman did the same on the opposite side, with one hand resting on his cases and the other slowly unsheathing a sword. To Naruto's surprise, the swordsman didn't show any emotion for being looked down on his profession as a man of the sword, so either he was a mercenary without principles, or he was too good to care, "You know this will end badly for either of us, right? When you lose, I may feel bad for you."

Once in the middle of the room, both jumped on top of the center of the table, staring at each other and with Naruto groaning a bit at being a few inches shorter than the swordsman. "My name's Yojimbo Mifune." The man said without missing a beat despite the twig he was calmly chewing. He then held his sword, ready for battle, "I think it's fair to know the name of the person who could take your life."

Naruto raised his fists, "Name's Uzumaki Naruto, and don't talk with your mouth full, young man." He said with an indifferent face, trying to get Mifune riled up.

The swordsman threw his cases into the air, surprising Naruto when they seemed to explode and the entire room was then covered in swords stabbing the ground, with the grinning gangster on his chair surrounded by yellow police line with the words "KEEP OUT" in them. The blond immortal would've questioned why didn't Mifune already send all those blades to impale him, but then he watched as the swordsman slashed at three swords before them, sending them at Naruto with the purpose to cut him into four pieces. The whiskered man jumped, not that he cared about the pain or not because Mifune had jumped unto the pummel of a sword he calmly stood on and ran on top of his weapons.

He tried to follow him, but the swords were in his way, and the narrow space of the room gave Mifune an advantage since the swordsman knew his way around the arrangement of his weapons, which only spoke louder of his insane skills. Then the samurai turned around, watching as Naruto walked around his swords to try to reach him which only made Mifune smirk. Grabbing a nearby sword in his other hand, the swordsman struck every blade around him at the blond, who finally got tired of this game.

"Okay, you want to play with tricks? Here's one." Naruto said as he lashed his arm out and, to Mifune's shock to the point his twig fell of his mouth, from the immortal's hand an azure chain made of ethereal energy shot itself out in a blur of speed. The gangster in the room didn't even see it like the meisters who Naruto struck twice earlier that day to fool them of his speed, but to someone like Mifune it was visible, but still hard to avoid when his swords were deflected at him, forcing the unconventional samurai to jump unto another out of the way and stare at Naruto evenly.

"I thought you only fought with brute force." Mifune commented.

Naruto scoffed as he clenched and unclenched his right hand, his left hand in his pockets, "I've been an immortal for a long time, kiddo. I'm not sure what to even call myself considering the things that happened to me and how I actually died… I even lost more than I could think of… But then I learned how to make up for those losses." He lashed at Mifune again, forcing the samurai to hold one blade in both hands to deflect the furious makeshift whips with strength to match the immortal's, "Listen to this old fart's advice, brat! Learn how to lose and then become a good sore loser to become stronger!" he pulled out his other hand, and then it was Hell for Mifune.

Naruto's arms were a blur, they seemed to move in an eight shaped pattern around his body as he wildly lashed at the samurai who stepped back, trying to counter the whip strikes, only to watch how Naruto rose both arms above his head, slammed them down, and broke Mifune's blade into small shards. Before the samurai could reply, the chains were then tightly wrapped around him, making his temporal boss and contractor see them for a brief second, only for the immortal to pull his fellow blond by yanking him towards his foot. The swordsman coughed as he felt the sole firmly planted in his guts, but, to shock the blond, just as his feet were about to give way, he forced his legs to carry his weight unto the immortal's foot, using it as support.

The samurai gave him a stoic look, and spoke evenly even as he panted for breath, "A sore loser… right?"

Naruto smirked at him, "Cocky brat." He said as he stepped back, letting the swordsman struggle to keep his own weight without the chains or the foot in his gut supporting him.

The swordsman's temporary boss snapped, "What're you doing, Mifune?! You can't let that bastard get near Angela! We need her to-" he was shut up when Naruto yanked him with his chain.

"I'd like to have a few words with you." The blond said as his brows were furiously knitted together and he glared at the pudgy little man, "So answer my questions or I'll force you to eat each and every single sword in this room." The gangster squeaked in fear, knowing the blond meant every word, literally.

XXXXXX

Much later, back on the other side of a mirror, the masked figure known as Death sighed tiredly, "It's finally over."

"Yeah, but I wonder what Naruto-dono will do with the samurai. I mean, the guy doesn't seem like such a bad guy, but who knows, right?"

"I'd like to trust his judgment. He'll keep protecting witches against mankind's blind hatred, while we'll protect mankind from their own and others' evil. That's the kind of order this institute and that lone man keep."

XXXXXX

Meanwhile Naruto walked into a small dark room in the middle of a desert, his eyes still in a glare as he walked through the dark. He wondered what Mifune would be up to after the man finally met Angela, before he chuckled, "Good thing that there's humans who can still hold values like protecting children so strongly." He then lashed his hand at the right, "Very much unlike you, Medusa."

"Fufufu… Am I still so easy to spot for you? Or is it because of all the times you'd look out for little old me?" the figure on his right asked, showing a blonde vixen of a woman with amber reptilian eyes, her hair short but with a frontal braid, and a sultry smile aimed at the blond. She was clad in a sleeveless black jumpsuit with baggy legs, walked barefoot to show her black nail polish and soft feet, and wore a white lab coat which hid her snake tattoos on her arms.

Naruto turned to stare at her evenly, "Let me tell you two important pieces of information. One, I'm not the kind of man to break his word, not even to a snake like you so long as you keep yours. And two, I'm here because I promised someone to be a good-"

"Papa!" said a black and pink blur that silenced the blond as a small, skinny girl with short pink hair, lovely green eyes, and a black dress hugged his bigger frame with both arms and an adoring smile on her face.

If he had been drinking, Naruto would've done a spit-take, but he settled for blushing, "Come on, Chrona-chan, don't call me that… I'm not sure how to deal with that."

Medusa chuckled into her hand, "It seems you'll have your fun…"

Naruto glared at her, "Don't think you're getting away that easily, you-"

"Papa, you promised to take me to eat pasta." The girl said with a small smile, making Naruto sigh in defeat. Just like Mifune, he couldn't do anything that'd make a little kid cry. Even if he still wanted to have more than a few words with the so-called mother and her choices for making the young pinkette stronger.

Then again, every single parenting Naruto had seen, known of or even experienced was pretty fucked up, even the touching ones.

**XXXXXX**

**And that's my rap! So, slightly shorter name for the fic, a calmer and less asshole-ish Naruto – unless he's in a fight to make his enemies slip with quips he knows are ridiculous -, and a stronger sense of justice, duty and responsibility rather than act all angsty. I'm still making him prone to physical discipline if he listens to Shibusen students or anyone related to the organization say anything he may dislike hearing about witches, but not as cruel as before.**

**As for the pairing… well, Medusa is in, and me putting other girls is unknown, but I'll see what I can do. All I ask is that all of you out there can bear with me and try to understand I write because I'm having fun, so if I decide to make it a harem or a single pairing fic, save yourself some dignity and don't post hate comments or flames. This is a site to write stories while having fun, or else if I bent over every single demand I'd be able to chew on my own ass.**

**Now I'll leave you with that mental image.**

**Swordslinger out!**


	2. Chapter 2

I OWN NOTHING

Let's keep my honesty record up and let me say I am fluent in two languages: badass fighting scenes, and cliché manly heroism… With that I mean that if I seem cheesy, forgive me, but that's how I roll.

**XXXXXX**

Number One Papa

Confusion was a pretty common feeling, it gave way to curiosity and in turn lead to countless discoveries that supported the foundations of new sciences and plenty of inventions. Right now one Naruto Uzumaki would have wanted to avoid being confused about what to do as he reached into his back for something. H was still there, standing on the doorway to Medusa's current hideout with the pinkette that eagerly called him her Papa looking up at him with lovely loving eyes that'd make even the most cynical of men feel something move in their chest, aside from the grease of their latest spoonful of baby brains moving in their veins.

Today's confusion trigger was what Naruto handed the green eyed girl that he tried to raise along the yellow eyed and haired snake witch, a simple and plain yet still cute blue sun dress with a white sun hat, both with a black frill trimming. While someone would question where did a technically unemployed man got such a nice gift for the petite girl, the immortal's life was to protect witches, which meant that he had earned himself enough favors to live until the end of time as a freeloader. All he needed to get some clothes, food and shelter was to ask nicely, which he did with as much manners as he could muster for the ladies he called his friends, which meant quite a lot.

Medusa leaned on a chair, resting one cheek in a hand, "Come on, Chrona, aren't you going to accept Papa's present?" the witch asked, to which Naruto replied with a stern look that softened when looking at the girl.

Chrona raised her hands and, trembling a bit, held the present and let it unfold on her hands, admiring it, "It's… cute…" the girl said in awe as a small blush spread itself on her cheeks. She held it closer to her body, careful not to wrinkle the hat, "I… I don't know how to deal with presents like this, Papa."

The blond closed one eye, cringing a bit, "So… you don't like it?"

The girl shook her head and smiled at him, "No, I love it…" She held the present closer, smiling warmly at the man she called Papa.

Letting out a deep sigh of relief, the blond wiped a bead of cold, nervous sweat from his forehead, "Good, I don't know how I would have dealt if it wasn't to your liking… Oh, now you got me doing it." He stated the last part in a bit of shock.

But for someone like Chrona, that made her tear up a bit as she slowly stepped back, cowering behind her new dress, "S-Sorry…"

Of course, this was like a stab for a mortal heart for our blond, "No, no, I didn't mean it like that, just… Argh… I'm the one who should be sorry, not you." He said trying to be as apologetic as he could to the girl.

The spectacle of the blond immortal trying to be a good father figure was more than amusing for the witch, "Fufufu… You're actually adorable, Naruto, still only a foolish caring oaf, but a loveable oaf."

Naruto just put his hand on Chrona, "Say goodbye to Mama." He said, smirking at the blonde witch who growled at that word. How she hated those four letters used to refer to her, it made some bile raise up her throat.

Chrona blinked, "B-But Medusa-sama gets mad if I call her-"

"I'm not letting anyone hurt you, Chrona." Naruto said as he patted her head, ruffling her hair a bit with his thumb, "Whether you're alone or not, this old man will be there to keep you safe. No matter what."

"You know how I hate cutesy things… Expect me to get even…" Medusa hissed, with a black tendril of dark energy emerging from her frowning face.

Chrona started to shiver, she could feel the tension all around her Papa and Mama, the two blondes locked eyes and she could see the sparks colliding between their amber and cerulean orbs. Not only that, wind seemed to howl around Naruto in powerful gales, like the air was alive around him. She could even see a circle of raw blue energy surrounding his feet as he locked glares with Medusa. The witch however seemed to be enveloped by something dark and foul with appendages that grew to snap and even hiss at the blond. Her eyes slit themselves for a moment as a dark ethereal snake swished on her lips.

Then the blond immortal spoke up, "I'll bring her back before night. Anything I should know?" he asked as he held the girl by one shoulder while the atmosphere of murder shattered like a window broken by a shotgun.

Medusa sighed, "Don't give her ice cream before she has to sleep, or else she gets restless at night, and it ruins her appetite before dinner."

Chrona just blinked, because, just now… the two just… acted like real parents would…? This sheer sight just made her mind feel blown by the information going in, and she intelligently chose to voice her thoughts, "I'm getting sick of this!" Well, she would have voiced her thoughts had it not been for the blob of black blood that took form on her back as a large body with a muscular frame, a white cross on the middle of its otherwise featureless face, and two white round buttons as eyes, "Oi, old fart! Aren't you going to take Chrona to have fun?! Then start by giving us, or rather ME, some freaking candy!"

Naruto stared icily at the blond. The next second there was a large black smear on the wall while Naruto had one arm extended, "Chrona, did you eat the chocolates I brought you last time I visited?"

The girl cutely poked her fingers, "Ragnarok took them from me before I could…" She said, sadly looking at the ground while the smear on the wall trembled and quickly tried to slither back into Chrona, knowing she was a sanctuary no-one, even less the blue eyed, golden haired demon would dare to lay harm on.

The immortal just stomped the puddle of black blood, lifted up his right fist as he clenched and unclenched the hand, and spoke in a cold tone, "Remember something, I don't like bullies." Ragnarok could only cry.

XXXXXX

Naruto actually had a smile since a very long time as he walked side by side with the pinkette in her new clothes, looking quite good and showing how adorable she was. He did feel proud at how good she looked, and how well the dress made her look alive. Even if she was rather scrawny and had a rather nervous, if not downright frightened, expression on her face even when around him she was still a cute sight for sore eyes. However, that meant that for every bit of joy he felt watching Chrona walking on a street like a normal person, anyone idiotic enough to try to get close to her would immediately start running when the blond immortal turned to them.

When he got protective of Chrona, Naruto could become a terrifying sight. Usually the only things seen from his face at those times was a deep frown, his eyes shadowed by the messy bangs of his hair, and his eyes stared from the shadows with ultimate power. The cerulean orbs commanded everyone who looked directly into them to acknowledge they were far beneath worms, that their lives meant nothing, and that all they would accomplish if they crossed his path a second time would be the end of such miserable existences. In short, he had the protective daddy stare. So he calmly kept on walking with the girl with his hands in his pockets and her arms wrapped in a needing state of mind around his right arm. The shy girl needed him, for her Papa was the anchor that made her feel safe in such strange places without having to consume souls.

Then his smile would return, change into a frown when someone looked at Chrona in a way he didn't like, and then return to a calm smile as he tried to make the girl feel comfortable.

The bizarre duo sat at a table at an Italian restaurant that Death had for his students, named after the shinigami like the city and other places. Turned out the guy didn't even name it himself but the owners to get more sympathies, clients, and money, mostly money. The heavyweight fighter sat on a chair that seemed to be about to give to his weight, ignoring a few glances from girls who looked at the tight jacket hugging a true martial artist's toned body. He sighed, they could get out the same sight if the kids at Death's academy trained hard enough. Or maybe he really felt too old to be with girls who had yet to mature mentally and physically.

That was a depressing thought… Oh, damn it, was he falling into the same cloud of depression the pinkette before him had.

He shook his head off the bad thoughts and turned to the girl, "You wanted pasta, right, Chrona-chan? Well, order to your own will."

Chrona shifted a bit uncomfortably in her seat, completely natural, but then she asked, "Papa, how're you gonna pay for this? You don't even pay taxes."

Naruto went all out, "Neither do witches, and that's because they're hunted down by idiots who think they're all evil. Not much of a chance for them to stand in line and pay for property to people who outright hate them."

Chrona looked down, "But… some witches don't like you either…"

That caught Naruto's attention, "What do you mean?"

She whispered to avoid calling attention, "M-Medusa-sama told me once how she wanted to put a snake in some witches so they got eaten inside out…" Naruto made a mental note to confront the blonde witch about her choice of words before the pinkette, "When I asked why… she was mad, madder than usual, even madder than when you told her you didn't want me to go through any more of her experiments…" Chrona fidgeted and poked her index fingers together, "She told me that those witches said something really stupid and untrue about you… That you weren't needed, because you don't fight for the witches."

Naruto sighed, putting a hand to his forehead, and whispered back, "They got it wrong, Chrona… I do fight for the witches… but I got a pretty good idea what these witches mean. Let me guess, their only point was that I didn't actively hunt humans, declared a war against Death or the fact I was once human?" she nodded, to which he raised a brow, "All three?" she nodded again, "What did Medusa do?"

"She didn't do a thing…" she sighed as she let her head fall, "They are the kind of witches you said you wouldn't protect, because they…" Chrona noted her Papa's hand on her shoulder, signaling her to stop. He didn't need to know another detail; he already had a good guess what those witches had planned to do… It wasn't easy for him to want to look away from the safety of others, but when he recognized a person didn't deserve his help those people were usually real monsters, just like the man who ruined his life from the start as well as the whole Elemental Nations, Madara.

"Let's ask for our meal, Chrona." He said in a calm tone, trying to cheer her up, "You can have cheese too if you want to try the tomato sauce." The girl nodded, still looking miserable but this was her standard kind of miserable, which somehow meant she was normal in the twisted way that Medusa had tried to raise her before Naruto became the protective Papa he is now for the timid pinkette. Naruto sighed inwardly, looking at his right hand, '_No… I shouldn't let anger cloud my judgment. I control anger, I stand on top of my rage, my wrath is mine to command and focus on those who deserve it…_' he then looked at Chrona, who, to his pleasant surprise, was chuckling lightly as she played with the cheese she was sprinkling on her pasta, '_This is the power I use to protect others…_' he said to himself with a smile.

It was a mantra he had, a small, short mental piece he forced himself to never let go of when his emotions threatened to cloud his sanity. To reinforce his determination, to be a true man, and to protect those who were dear to him, the people who didn't have fangs to fight back, and to exterminate the demons who disguised themselves among humans to cause harm.

He grinned, and suddenly his pasta tasted much better now that the pinkette was enjoying her meal and her time; though Naruto wondered if they'd charge the cheese and not the pasta if the girl didn't stop sprinkling it.

XXXXXX

After paying for the meal with money he borrowed, read "stole", from the gangsters that had tried to use Angela Leon for their stupid power getting schemes, the blond escorted the pinkette back home. Once Chrona was up in her room for some well deserved rest Naruto was sitting on the couch, looking as Medusa smiled darkly as she knew she had his eyes on her while preparing something for the both of them. The blonde witch smiled as she walked to him, in one hand she had two small cups for quick shots, and on her other was a bottle of heavy booze.

Naruto sighed tiredly, "Never pictured you as the drinking type, then again, Arachne always loved some wine, but nothing strong." He said as Chrona's Mama, who hated that word, poured the two of them their drinks.

"I like to be prepared for when I have you around." Medusa chuckled as she sat before him in a sofa, holding her cup beside her head while Naruto stared at his, "Don't worry, it's not drugged."

"Last time I trusted you, we had Chrona." Naruto said with some cynicism to his voice as he grabbed his cup, gave it a sniff, and then put a bit of his chakra to make it swirl. Seeing nothing weird he drank it down… "This doesn't even get my tongue tingling."

Medusa chuckled, "Well, forgive me for not having the taste buds of an un-killable man whose liver remains eternally in its prime." She said with a smirk before downing her shot, keeping herself composed despite the dark blush on her cheeks, "Though I'll admit, you may smile more if drunk."

"You should be thanking my liver I'm never drunk." Naruto said as he grabbed the bottle and filled both cups, "Remember that story I told you of my old friend Rock Lee?"

Medusa chuckled, "How wouldn't I? Yes, I remember he story you used to try to scare me as a kid so I wouldn't drink until older, the one of how he once got a little drink happy and you had to remodel an entire tower."

Naruto chuckled too, "Yeah… good times. That guy's probably feeling proud about a lot of things wherever Death's old fart Shinigami escorted his soul."

The two emptied their cups in one go, and as the slightly tipsy Medusa filled them again, she had a far wider reptilian smile on her snake face, "Finally you do more than grumble, old man… Hehehe… Takes me back to when you'd praise my sisters and I when we showed you whatever new spell we managed to master… Such a shame you still can't see things clearly."

Naruto lifted his cup to Medusa, "Chrona told me of some witches who badmouthed me…" he said, making Medusa frown, "She said you did nothing…"

Medusa chuckled bitterly, "I didn't need to… They will get themselves killed if they fight Shibusen, and considering they're the kind of bitches who you shouldn't protect…" Naruto noticed how she said he shouldn't protect them rather than wouldn't, which meant that Medusa had something personal going on with how he was insulted, "I have to question what makes me so different to them, though." she casually asked with a smile as she lifted her cup to him.

Naruto stared at her golden orbs for a while, before replying dryly, "You know why…"

Medusa let out another bitter chuckle, "You're… too nice for your own good, old man." They emptied their cups again and Naruto hid the bottle, seeing that Medusa's cheeks were reddening themselves more than a tomato. He silently walked to her, picked up the witch in her arms, and carried her bridal style up the stairs to which she giggled, "Taking advantage of little old me?"

The immortal whiskered man scoffed, "Only you'd wish I was that kind of man."

The golden snake chuckled, wrapping her arms around his neck, "No, I wouldn't have things be any other way… I just have to do things my way, that's all."

Still sober, Naruto sighed and put Medusa in her bed and tried to cover her with her mantles, only to notice she never took her arms off his neck to pull him closer. He got a quick peck on the lips, just as the snake went quickly to sleep in blissful, drunken joy. He sighed again, ruffling his unruly hair with one hand as he questioned himself what he would do with her. With no clear answer he left, he had a job to do.

XXXXXX

The blond stood calmly at a place where physics, logic and laws could go fuck themselves right off. His method of getting here was a quick Hiraishin after leaving a special seal in the gates ever since witches started to need his help. Yes, he was at the witches' realm, which had several of them getting ready to pummel him down with a vast array of spells if he so much as looked suspicious. However, seeing who he was they calmed down and lowered their battle stances.

"Uzumaki-dono, what brings you here?" one of them asked calmly as the man stood at the gates of their realm with his hands in his pockets.

He replied calmly, "I've got a few questions I'd like to ask Mabaa while we're both still young and kicking, is all. And drop the honorifics, I'm just a random bloke doing his job for food." He said, trying to smile in a friendly way, although his gruff exterior made him look rather… handsome, if the slight blushes of a few young witches were any indication.

The witches nodded and left him pass, though his presence was immediately acknowledged. Being the only male around made him stick out like a sore thumb. It felt strange to be such a minority in life; he was used to be when he was a Jinchuuriki before becoming an immortal, but to be the only man in a woman-only place was bizarre to say the least. Several of them whispered about the large warrior and his deeds from the past, others which he recognized as women he had at least saved once waved at him to which he replied with a nod or a wave.

Soon he arrived at the courthouse, a massive place in which the elder witches, a jury of some really powerful ladies from all kinds of adult age, and none other than Mabaa stood before him. Mabaa herself was covered from head to toes in bandages, rags and a classical witch hat with the exception of one eye, and she spoke with only one word, "Nyamu?"

The blond waved as he walked in, "Sorry for walking in like this… But I think you know why I am here."

A few witches shifted nervously while their leader sighed, "Nyamu…"

"So it is true…" Naruto said as he closed his eyes and tried to word things as best as he could, "Any idea what harm could be done, if there's any sign that things could get dangerous for everyone, no matter who or what they were?" he inquired with a soft tone, the same kind he used when talking to Chrona to make sure she wasn't sad, but this one was more concerned.

A cat-like witch with whisker marks like his, an old fashioned kimono with really pointy shoulders, a Japanese pipe, and a scowl on her face asked, "Naruto-dono, please, this is of no concern to you." She closed her eyes, trying to not be rude with her next words, "You shouldn't be needed for this matter, it is our mistake…"

Naruto sighed, ruffling his hair, "Part of that blame is mine too… I know humans are prone to be stupid and just wreck chaos, but that doesn't mean I'll kill every single one of them, well, not unless they deserved it. But right now, there's something really concerning me, and that's why Medusa wouldn't fight the witches that insulted me."

Mabaa spoke up, "Nyamu!"

Naruto rose a brow, "Are you kidding me?"

"Nyamu!"

"I see…" the blond sighed tiredly, "So, where is it?"

"Nyamu…"

"Thanks, I'll go look into this." the blond said with a wave as he was about to leave until being called by the other elder cat witch.

"Wait, Uzumaki-dono, what're you doing?"

Naruto sighed as he turned to speak, "It's never too late to try to do the right thing… Whether I get someone to listen to me or not will be seen, but for now it doesn't hurt to try before really knowing what to do."

And just like that, with a final wave of his hand, he was gone with a Hiraishin.

One witch voiced her thoughts: "He's too good for Medusa…"

Many if not nearly all the other witches nodded, though with a hint of jealousy in their eyes.

XXXXXX

"Why must everyone who turns into some sort of evil Saturday morning cartoon villain have minions?"

After entering the place where he was supposed to find the witches that had badmouthed him, Naruto was currently contemplating why anyone who wanted to do wrong used tons of dudes far weaker than them. What? Was it some sort of rule that everyone evil must use others for their bidding like getting their laundry, or was it because someone in the universe wanted to stall for a final epic showdown after the hero struggles wiping the floor with infinite baddies? Huh, that could very well be the story of his life… Then again, he didn't like that story very much, at least not the parts in which the destiny someone decided to screw him with to make all of his previous fate defying moments mean shit.

"Damn it, now I got mad." The blond said as he raised his foot and stomped on the hand of a dark cloaked man that tried to slither far away from the blond that had been slamming him and his comrades to the floor. Said stomp broke a special ring on the man's hand, "I'm not going to pretend I'm nice, so tell me where your boss is. In case you're not under her mental control, I'll know if you're lying."

The minion aimed his free hand at a door in the large hallway Naruto had entered after bursting through the front door, leaving a Conga line of beaten minions behind him, with some of them either waking from their mind control or struggling to free themselves from the chakra chains nailing them to a wall. The one whose hand he broke with a second stomp was nailed to a wall with a tighter set of chains.

"Wait, why me?" the minion asked, to which Naruto gave him a sideway glare.

"The others at least looked dizzy when out of their mental control. You didn't even drop your killing intent once I broke that ring, brat. I'm too old to get fooled by amateur fighters." The blond then growled as he scratched the back of his head, "Fucking damn it… Now I am talking like an old fart… Shit." He ignored whatever the minions could and would say as he neared the door and kicked it in.

On the other side was a large, nicely furnished and actually expensive office… with a schoolgirl sitting at the desk before him. Naruto stared at her evenly as she gave him a slight frown, and not because of her broken door. "What brings you here, Naruto?" the young looking but certainly not naïve or weak witch asked. She had dark hair done in a braid, eyes with slit pupils, an elegant long sleeved black sailor uniform with a red scarf around her neck, a rather cute form yet still curvaceous figure that would certainly mature to rival her sisters, and a love for the Scorpio symbol.

The blond grabbed his neck to crack a few joints, "You know, thought I'd pass by, say hi, ask how you're doing, and beat up anyone who you're forcing to work for you."

The young looking witch scowled like a rebel schoolgirl getting looked down by her father, "Oh, so you wanted me to be like Arachne and control them with pretty words?"

Naruto grabbed his head with one hand, keeping the other in his pants pocket, "No, and why must you always act like this?"

The witch girl scoffed, "Why can't you see I'm different from my sisters?! I can be as strong if not far stronger than them."

The blond aimed a finger at the witch, "Young lady, you're right about something, you're not your sisters because unlike them you're acting like a bigger brat."

"H-How dare you say that?!" asked a shocked and infuriated Shaula as she gritted her teeth.

Naruto sighed, "I can and I will say the truth… I've done so since you were in diapers."

"I'm not a baby anymore, and I've grown into a beautiful lady, haven't I?!" Shaula asked with a blush.

The whiskered immortal closed his eyes while exhaling a deep, tired breath. He had figured this out years the moment Chrona mentioned Medusa didn't kill a witch badmouthing him… Because if Naruto knew one of the Gorgon sisters hurt the other, he'd go hunt them down and make them apologize whether they wanted to or not. The apologizing procedure consisted of finding the witches, fighting them if necessary, force them to bow with ethereal chains wrapped around their bodies so they didn't fight back, and force the offended sister to not abuse this with the threat of passing the same humiliation. Of course, for the three sisters it was a massive blow to their egos to say the least. To acknowledge one was wrong and asking forgiveness to another of the ladies who had been taken care of by the immortal was something that'd make their dark hearts burn with hatred beyond any kind of wrath.

Naruto for his part was doing his best to keep his emotions in check, for he had raised each witch equally and treated them as best as he could, but the Gorgon sisters were a special case… Each one was so twisted, sadistic, evil, and downright insane he could only ask himself what stopped him from keeping them in chains… Ugh, damn it, now that made him sound like a certain perverted old toad man… Shit, he was actually older than the guy by now… Well, another shitty thought to the list.

He decided to change the topic as he stared at the ceiling, "By the way, thanks for the outfit. It still works like the charm you made it to be."

Shaula scoffed, looking away with a small blush, "Of course it does, I was the one that came up with the idea, and the one that had the talent in curses to make it work so you didn't need to get new clothes every time you got hurt…" she then growled, "Although, you wouldn't understand pain like that, not while Shibusen still stands."

Naruto sighed, each sister at least shared something in common, which he wished they didn't: a burning passionate hatred against the academy of Meisters. "I'm just a man in the end, Shaula. The things I see differ from the ones you see." He then chuckled, "But even if you act like a brat, others at least care…"

She gave him a slight glare, "No, they care about you... Let me guess, none of them, not even Medusa had the guts to tell you what I said about you."

He chuckled again, giving her a cocky smirk, "Chrona was the one that told me… I had to wait until Medusa drank herself a bit silly to get some information out of her before confronting the witches at the court to confirm my suspicions." He then walked to the desk, grabbed a chair, and sat before the youngest of the sisters, "So, what did you say about me?"

Shaula closed her eyes, sighing deeply, "You know what I've said already… But if you wish to listen again, fine." She shut her eyes tightly to avoid looking at him, "What good is it for you to fight Shibusen when they hunt us unjustly so you can let them leave? Harmed or not, why do you call yourself our guardian when you don't finish off our only threat?" here her voice came in hiccups and he could see how she tried to keep her tears from escaping. It was then that Shaula revealed her true self, not the mind manipulator who wanted to best her sister… but the girl whose memories were happy thanks to this brute before her, the idiot that helped her grow with a smile on both their faces.

That moment sealed her fate as she was wide open for an attack, and soon found herself struck and about to fall to the ground were she not hugged by the man before her.

She didn't dare to look at him, even when she held him tightly. No matter if she was far older than girls who looked like her, she was still a girl inside, and one who grew used to this man's care.

Naruto just remained there, holding the witch so he could speak, "I don't want to let my anger control me…" he said as she finally looked up at him. "Remember what I told you, what happened to me when I truly let my anger get out of control? Well… I don't want any of you to go through such lengths."

Shaula pulled away, still not looking at him, "You say that so nonchalantly… idiot…" she mumbled as she tried not to look at him with her flushed face. Damn it, she couldn't face her lifelong crush looking like some brat, not when her sisters were far more mature! She regained her thoughts then, "Don't worry about me, I am not like my sisters, I actually do think." She said with a cocky smirk she learned from him.

Naruto inwardly winced, '_Damn it, are they rubbing on me or is it the other way around, only in a negative way?_'

**XXXXXX**

**And that's my rap! So… Tsundere Shaula… Not sure where I got the idea but then again if we consider she's the runt of the Gorgons with how bodacious Medusa and Arachne are and the obvious age difference, I could see her having a complex like this if triggered with someone who could break through her emotional masks, i.e. our favorite blond idiotic tank.**

**Just to clarify, I am still not certain if I'll make this a harem or not, but for now I shall tease all harem lovers out there. Why? Because I get an almost sexual joy in making others squirm.**

**Swordslinger out!**


	3. Chapter 3

I OWN NOTHING

Ok, more honesty from this author. If you haven't noticed by now, I love comedy from web hosts: Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, Lyle McDouchebag, Team Four Star, the cast of TGWTG, and yours truly when having some weird brain farting.

**XXXXXX**

Not making this up

"Can I get my pants back?" a man in his underwear, a business coat and shirt without his tie, and his tie wrapped around his forehead headband style asked the blond.

"No." the blond said as he kicked the man through the door he came in and groaned as he avoided looking at the pants on top of a roof. "God fucking damn it… Are humans really getting this increasingly retarded by the second or is every single man going to think with their dick when drunk?"

Behind him two young women smiled warmly at him, both being witches in disguise with brown hair carrying fine dresses on their nubile bodies that attracted clients, but the two had different hair-styles. "Sorry for making you work as our personal bouncer, Naruto-sama" the one with long hair pulled back, Risa, asked a bit awed at the drunk that had tried to, somehow, flirt with her and her friend by twirling his pants over his head.

"But it's still great to have you keeping us safe, even if you're just here for a drink, Naruto-sama." The short haired one, Arisa, said with a warm smile.

Naruto held back a sigh and spoke calmly, "I'd like to ease a few pains from this night, if you don't mind."

Risa spoke up, "Is it true you confronted one of the Gorgon sisters this afternoon?"

Naruto gave her a cynical stare, "First of all, you'd have to tell me which of them you're talking about. Because I've done that since those three were barely out of their diapers, while I was still wondering if I'd grow hair out of my chest after Death's dad quote/unquote hired me." He then looked up into the sky, "Hmm… Nah, I wouldn't have looked good with extra hair on my face or chest…"

The young witches could only sweat-drop, wondering if age would do the same to them or if Naruto was just in another realm of existence, i.e., completely insane. Risa spoke up, "Well, you're here to forget those issues with some good drinks, on the house for your hard work."

Arisa smiled warmly, "You can also have the company of two beautiful ladies for free." She said, batting her eye lashes at the gruff yet still handsome immortal.

Naruto chuckled, "Sorry, I'm not date material, and I believe there are three witches out there who'd want dead anyone close to me."

The two hostesses cringed, "Yeah, Arachne-sama was never the forgiving kind." Arisa said with a wince.

Risa nodded, "And she's still technically our boss." They closed their eyes as they could only imagine what a mad Arachne was like.

Then both blinked as they noticed the immortal gone. A quick scan of the room showed he was already at a table, sprawled calmly and taking a few large shots from a bottle of brandy with one hand. Once the bottle was empty he quickly set it down and let out a mixture of a sigh and a belch with steam from the booze's alcohol escaping his mouth like a beast's breath. This bizarre sight was all thanks to his ever regenerating liver burning the alcohol as he looked more sober than one of the British palace guards on duty.

He held the bottle to them and with a mixture of a sheepish smile and a tired stare he asked, "May I have another?"

"S-Sure." The witches said as they sat by his side, pouring him drinks and listening to some of his stories. That was all he was in a place like this cabaret for, to drink and have someone at least pretend like they're paying attention to his rambles, pretty much like every normal man who has had a stressful day and could handle his alcohol.

It was a plan, one plan that quickly got shattered by the sound of two dirty men in cloaks walking into the cabaret with angry scowls. Neither wore Shibusen uniforms, and one was talking loudly, "Tch, forget that bitch, I bet some kid from Shibusen can deal with her." Naruto's ear twitched at what he could only guess, and if he was guessing right, then he wouldn't sleep anytime soon.

The other man growled, "Still, think of the money we could be paid with something of that caliber. We can't let that money escape."

The other man gave a yellow toothed grin, "Yeah… Hey, you two babes with the loser there! Come over here, this is a couple of soon to be very rich guys!"

Risa and Arisa were about to decline, with heavily forced smiles one would note, until Naruto stepped up, "Go ahead, I think I'll enjoy more listening to something." He said and moved to another chair, though not without making a motion as if he was picking wax out of his ear, in reality he was poking it to signal he'd be listening on the conversation. He already knew of the witches' job at the cabaret, and he had abused that in order to get information about certain Shibusen matters concerning him.

The two witches gave him slight nods and forced themselves to their acts, "Sure, dear costumer, now that the table is free have a seat." Risa said with a strained grin.

"Real fine service here." One of them, who Naruto noted had a sawed off shotgun hidden in his cloak. "But perhaps you can look at this soon to be millionaire and tell me, what adjustments do you think this place needs? A new bar, more fine girls like the ones in this table, or perhaps just new owners who'd treat the girls nicely?"

Arisa forced herself to chuckle, "My, dear costumer, to ask such things is a bit too forward, perhaps-"

"Was talking to my partner, sweet thing." The man with the shotgun said with a toothy grin, irking Naruto who sat at the counter, the grip on his second bottle cracking it and making the now arriving bartender step back.

The other guy, who the blond could smell powder from dynamite sticks stanching his clothes, cackled, "Yeah, this is man talk. All you're here for is smile, look as fine as you do, and serve drinks, sweetie. But if we strike it rich, you could do much more if we are kind enough to buy this joint."

Naruto had to mentally picture himself taking Chrona on a day at the mall, helping her do stuff she never did, like when he got her ice cream and had to punch Ragnarok into a wall, leaving a black bloody smear on it after the blob tried to eat the pinkette's food he got for her… His anger wasn't going away soon. The immortal's knuckles were turning white and the bartender couldn't dare to look at him in the eye.

Risa forced herself to laugh, "Oh dear, but it doesn't sound like it will be easy doing something like that."

The one with the shotgun cackled, "Of course, it won't be easy, we are hard-workers and we take the tough routes. You know, to earn respect like the one we should be getting along our drinks."

Arisa's smile couldn't be more forced even if she was doing so on a life threatening situation to save her skin, "Sure, dear costumer, we're very sorry."

The one with the dynamite cackled, "Yeah, so, thinking you can give us a tab, because we need the money more to get this witch."

The other man laughed too, "Of course they can, we're gonna be heroes for Shibusen once that bitch Blair is there for them to take her soul!"

(Five minutes later)

"So, you just go down the dirt path all the way straight until you see her house, there's no missing it… Now please let us go!"

"Yeah, you can have the reward for her head, or… well, we could share it with you, boss! Yeah, you'd be a great boss and boss around this joint if you joined u- Argh! No, not again!"

Risa and Arisa remembered why no meister, weapon, or even Death wanted to make the immortal man mad as they witnessed their latest rude clients walk with some difficulty after the blond had shoved their weapons and dynamite sticks in a place that'd make it impossible for them to sit. To top it off that was to get answers from them, after listening to what he wanted to the moment they mentioned a witch the blond had rearranged their faces. It was like looking at ugly leather sacks of potatoes with dirty teeth sticking out of a hole.

The blond then grabbed each by their collars and swung them out the door, face first into what they thought was mud, until listening to the panting of the pack of dogs nearby before taking a sniff of the brown mass they fell into. "Ok, they'll live… I think." Naruto said with a scoff as he dusted his hands, "So… Blair?" he asked as he turned to the witches.

"Never heard of her, I swear. She may even not be a witch." Risa said.

"She may be too much into hiding, or too introverted." Arisa commented.

Naruto sighed, "If she's targeted so Shibusen gets her soul, I guess I'll have to find out who she is…" he reached into his pocket for the last of the money he stole from the mafia, "Here, for the drinks… and the ceiling, the table, and any psychological scar the bartender could have gotten watching me shove their weapons up their-"

"We don't need to hear it, please." Arisa said, wincing at the thought.

"Yes, and thank you for your visit, though." Risa said truthfully.

Then, in unison and perfect sync they bowed with smiles, "Please come again." Naruto just nodded, not sure of how to react.

XXXXXX

"Man, this day's been packed…" the immortal said with a sigh as he walked through dead trees on a dirt path, "First the mafia, then a fight with that Mifune boy, taking Chrona out for lunch, having a talk Medusa, Shaula still being a kid, and now this." He punched a nearby tree so hard that it snapped in half. He retreated his hand, watching as he used enough force to break his knuckles through the skin, a wound that instantly healed with the blood returning to the opening. "Damn it, I may end up needing better therapy than a hostess club."

He then scratched that thought, he wasn't insane, after all the only things he needed to be A-OK with his life were his own ways to relieve stress by booze, having beautiful ladies talk to him, and punching any bastard who angered him. With that happy thought in mind he walked to the large Halloween pumpkin shaped building before nothing something on his foot. In his way through the forest, he had ignored the pumpkin field all around him until he stepped on a little pumpkin that, strangely enough, was ripe… and why was it glowing?

His answer came sooner than later when he felt it pulse with energy, and with a loud noise accompanied by his loud scream, the blond was sent flying up in the air from the pumpkin mine he admittedly stupidly stepped on. He comically sailed through the air, flipping around with his legs a bit scorched and his pants ripped, until landing skull and back first into the hard ground, his body curled over with his legs beside his head which laid down looking at his ass. He grumbled some profanities and cursed a blond effeminate bomber like he was part of this or had manipulated the universe so this happened, and did his best to get himself up while his wounds healed quickly, taking away the heated burns with the cool feeling of newly formed flesh and skin. At least his boots had resisted enough of the blow for the Gorgon sisters' magic to repair them along his pants.

"Nyaaaahhh… what's that noise?" a sleepy voice asked in a yawn, almost making Naruto snap at how nonchalantly they took a mine blowing someone up, until noticing the female tone to it, meaning this had to be Blair. With a slightly pained growl as his nerves started to reconnect with his new skin, he stood up to see a young woman with a body rivaling if not eclipsing Medusa's and perhaps Arachne.

The young lady's figure was hidden in a pitch black night gown that was see-through enough to catch sight of her purple lingerie consisting of risqué panties and bra. Her hair was long and purple, with two bangs swirling at the sides of her heart shaped head with amber almost feline eyes… And on top of her head was a witch's hat with a tip curling in a square manner.

The blond then asked as his legs returned to work with their new skin, "Sorry for the interruption." He said, acting as if nothing had happened to him, even smiling as he raised a hand to greet her, "I heard of a witch living here, but so far I've seen many witches before, and yet you're the first one who has pumpkins as her motif. Trust me, there's always an animal, but you go far and beyond with pumpkins." He then tried to smile in a friendly way, with his rough exterior making him seem but a bit suspicious for the pumpkin girl and, admittedly, rather handsome, "May I ask why?"

(**HOW TO DEAL WITH WITCHES**)

**A Work In Progress by Uzumaki Naruto for those who wish to relate with witchkind.**

How to deal with witches. Lesson 1: Always be polite, never try to make snide remarks or use cynicism against them unless they can take it as a joke. Aside from the fact they can return the quips with more blows to one's ego, they tend to do that while boiling you down in oil or water. If you're on their side, even then be extra careful, for they don't trust anyone unless they're shown that person would die for them. Next time on "How to deal with witches": learning how to avoid doing a remake of Stephen King's Misery with you as the poor writer in the bed and the witch as the psycho nursing you.

The purple head gave him a sly smirk rather feline in appearance, "You do seem fun, and Blair was gonna nap because there hasn't been much to do." She raised her hand at him, and Naruto knew that if things went further south he'd hit Death Mexico. "Pum Pumpkin Pumpkin… Halloween Cannon!"

How to deal with witches. Lesson 73: ALWAYS stay away from their attacks and range, **always**, and that word can't be emphasized enough. Next time on "How to deal with witches": what kinky outfits you can make a witch use for your honeymoon.

Naruto could only cry in a mixture of shock at being shot, surprise at his body flying so easily, and disbelief as he could see Death City from the skies. He then growled as he neared the ground at speeds that would mean broken legs, and he didn't have time to waste if he wanted to get this done quickly and catch some dream ramen in his sleep. Just as he passed the trees and his fall was seconds from leaving him really uncomfortable, he wiped his right arm. His chakra chain shot from his hand and nailed itself to a tree, giving him the chance to rip off Spiderman and swing at the now surprised Blair.

The purple head jumped in the air and put her hand down, summoning a massive pumpkin in which she flew, making Naruto feel the need to make about fifty questions on the matter but he decided to shut up, land inharmoniously, skid to a halt while kicking some dirt, and look at the now airborne woman with the Cheshire Cat smile. As she had flipped herself on her flying pumpkin ride the purple head had changed herself into now more decent and witch like clothes: black dress with short but puffy skirt, long black detached sleeves with cloth at the wrist that could reach to the ground, thigh-high black boots with curly tips, and a choker with a metal badge hanging from it, just like a cat's collar.

The blond kept his left hand in his pocket and the right hand out, near his head for another quick lash of his ethereal chain, "I'd like to think you don't do this with everyone you meet, young lady." He said as he clenched and unclenched his fist, ready to whip her into submission… God damn it, that didn't sound right, at all.

Blair smirked, "I see you're not a meister or another hunter after Blair's soul, that's good. But, what are you here for? Blair prefers to hunt, not to be chased after."

Naruto sighed tiredly, "Well, Naruto Uzu-fucking-maki here is trying to see what's keeping Blair so busy with bounty hunters saying the pumpkin girl is a witch. And yes, I am mocking your third person speech, girl."

There was no surprise when Blair chuckled, "You're fun but a bit of a grump, Naruto-kun. I wanted to play a bit before going to sleep, and you seem like a fun person…" here her cat grin turned a bit malicious, or rather cunning, "Why don't you work for Blair? You could be her partner, and show her what tricks you can do."

Naruto grumbled, "Again with the third person speech… Listen, lady, I'm here because I don't want Shibusen kids or bounty hunters chasing you when they shouldn't. Most idiots think witches just deserve to die and be used as fuel for weapons or means to get easy money by turning them into such fuel. So unless you want someone strong actually devouring your soul, I'd like to make you a few questions."

Blair grinned, and Naruto knew that grin meant bad news. "I'll tell you… if you can be a bit more fun."

How to deal with witches. Lesson 2: Run as fast as you can, you idiot, before she turns you into a toy in more than one way. You better be ready to possibly become an eternal slave if you don't or are into that kind of thing. Next time on "How to deal with witches": facing the consequences of staying for the pain.

How to deal with witches. Lesson 3: You're insane, stupid, brave, or stupidly brave, whatever the case, you chose to stay with a witch so you better be ready for pain and countless bumps on the road before earning her trust. Once you're mentally and physically prepared for this, preferably by being an un-killable immortal, take the next steps. Next time on "How to deal with witches": how to stop the witch you're with from cursing a woman you've barely interacted with.

Naruto watched as Blair raised her hand at him, and responded to by being stupidly brave and swinging his right hand in a flicker jab, his arm moving like the ethereal chain whip that shot from his hand. Both chakra chain and pumpkin blast collided, with the chain bouncing back, and two halves of a pumpkin landing behind Naruto, both landing at both sides before detonating. Blair's grin widened in pleasant surprise. Naruto for his part just gave her a stern look as he kept his right hand up, still clenching and unclenching it in case he needed to throw another whip lash or punch something.

Seeing as this would drag on forever, the blond gave a step forward… stepping into something squishy, "Oh for fuck's sake…" Naruto didn't even have time to picture a destination for his next Hiraishin as his scorched body flew high in the air, again, and he landed face up with his ass in his line of vision, again. He started to grumble profanities and curse a certain Akatsuki artist wannabe that though art was best when it lasted a second for whatever Karma was biting his ass now… again.

Blair for her part laughed her shapely derriere off, "Nyahahahahaha! You're truly amusing, Naruto-san! And you're healing rather well… so you really are THAT Uzumaki Naruto."

"And you didn't believe me after I started fighting you because…" he asked as he let his legs fall and he just decided to lay on the ground, sprawled like a rag doll now that Blair had ceased hostilities.

The purple head chuckled, "Your name's famous enough for impostors to come, Blair wasn't going to let anyone fool her like that. Sorry for the fight, but I had to be sure." She stepped before him, leaning down to give the blond a warm feline smile and her hand to help him up, "No hard feelings?"

He chuckled bitterly, "I'd rather you didn't think of me as a grump, so, yeah." He said as the purple head helped him up.

XXXXXX

The now sober Medusa shot herself into a straight sitting position in her bed, her eyes wide. Chrona, who had been walking out of the bathroom, looked at her Mama in concern, "M-Medusa-sama, what's wrong?"

To her further confusion, it seemed like Medusa was sniffing like a snake: her tongue rolled out of her mouth, caught the taste of the air, and instantly slid back into her rosy lips, "Someone's entering my territory."

XXXXXX

In her office, Shaula had dropped the books she planned to read, some of them were self-help books. But as they fell, her focus went away, her face sweating coldly, and her eyes wide, "What's this sense of dread?"

XXXXXX

Deep in the darkness, a mass of small shadows that together would construct an entity were all far away from each other, yet trembling with every fiber of their little beings at a cold horror.

XXXXXX

"So, why the mines?" Naruto asked as he sat on a couch in the comfy house as he used a clean set of towels to take the sooth off his face.

Blair smiled, "There's plenty of thieves, and I love my pumpkin field, one of the few joys I have and a hobby I tend to. So I put a few traps to send them flying back. The trick is that if they touch them, the pumpkins are supposed to knock them back. But since you stepped and squashed them, I think the spell became more concentrated."

The blond groaned, "You should try teaching three little girls how to control their magic to know that's not much of a problem. Seriously, I've been in worse just by stepping on an arrow because a little girl was mad at me, and the next thing I know is that I was sent flying through a wall because of said little girl's spell to keep me out. The reason? I grounded her without pasta for cutting her little sister's hair and leaving her bald."

Blair laughed loudly at that, "Hahahaha, now, that sounds like a handful! How did you do something like raising witches so naughty?"

Naruto sighed as he leaned on his chair, "By admitting to myself they'd be troublesome no matter what…" and then he chuckled, "But, oddly enough, I guess I kinda enjoyed having some company."

Blair smiled softly and waved her hand, two glasses of cold pumpkin juice flying at them. Just as Naruto took his, he noted that Blair took her hat off to gulp her own in a quick go, leaving in plain sight a couple of triangular purple tufts of hair with white tips. She noted this and smiled, "Blair never said she was a witch, did she?"

Naruto sighed, "Man, I feel like a real idiot today…"

Blair waved dismissively, "You also didn't mark me down as a witch, proving you're at least smarter than most guys who've hunted Blair down."

The blond smiled, and soon felt melancholic, "Still… a nekomata… it's been so long since I've seen one. Last one was a good old friend, and had both a fiery temper and a fiery girl friend… I mean, a girl who was her friend." He said, trying not to make things sound weird.

Blair chuckled, "Honestly, Blair's just a cat with some magic, and I just want to have fun."

Naruto noted this change, "So you can drop the third person speech, huh?"

She grinned, "Only when Blair feels like it, and she likes to talk like this."

The blond finally let out a yawn, for it had been a long day, immortal or not, "Oh, it seems I've been up a bit too long. You don't mind me leaving now, do you?" he asked as he felt the day's fights and other activities catch up to him.

But the cat girl just smiled more, "You could rest here, that way if anyone ever comes close to Blair to harm her, Naruto-kun can take them down and protect her."

Naruto considered his options, he lived like a hobo in most cases by finding himself a nice abandoned place to rest, or he could crash at Medusa's and sleep in the snake witch's lair… No need to be a rocket scientist to know the right answer, "Do I take the couch?" He gave said couch a few test bounces and was pleased to find it comfortable enough, and all the while the cat girl smiled.

XXXXXX

It was a stormy night in the middle of a desolated field, rain fell down drenching everyone who stood there, and in the middle of the field was a young man. He stood there, motionless, his body not daring to fall down, his eyes looking at nothing, and his mind blank from the lack of life. As he stood and the rain washed away the dirt, sweat, and blood of his body, it showed his body covered only by ragged orange pants, and a black headband with a metal plate on the forehead.

The rain continued, and soon the water took down the headband, making it fall to the motionless figure's feet, and with the dirt it sunk into the muddy ground.

The figure didn't move, and it wouldn't, so long as it had that chokuto piercing his heart.

XXXXXX

"Shit!"

Naruto bolted from his makeshift bed on Blair's couch, his body covered by a white blanket with pumpkins and Jack-o-lanterns printed on them. Blair had been kind enough to put his clothes washing, and thus he was left in only his boxers for his sleep. It was uncomfortable, and did ask her not to look or to, at least, try not to get scarred.

A long sigh left the immortal as he moved a hand up to his chest. He could remember how Blair was smiling when asking him to remove his clothes, she even teased him with, "You could try to win over Blair showing yourself off." To which he chuckled, bitterly. When he opened the upper part of his blood red full-body jumpsuit, she was utterly shocked when she watched what his hand rested on right now.

Immortality did come with a price, and that price was the mark Naruto carried, a massive scar where his heart should have been. It was from an old wound that pierced him, both cutting and burning his flesh and heart, with the size covering a good part of his torso, and the shape ironically being the symbol associated with him, a red spiral. He it ironic that his mother's clan's symbol was the mark that shaped the beginning of his new existence. This was a mark he would never lose, and one he thanked Blair for accepting.

Her words and sweet smile still echoed in his mind, "It looks like a sun. Maybe it means that you have a new day to look up to always."

He rested back in his new bed, sighing, "She's such a good kid when she wants to…" he chuckled and passed a thumb by his scar, "Heh, a sun, huh? Naïve… but she's the kinda person that makes this thing worth having." He looked at the ceiling, remembering three little girls who used to smile at him, '_What made those three change so much?_'

He groaned, everything was making him feel tired, or perhaps it really was his age getting to him. With a bitter chuckle at the thought, he let himself fall, trying to fall into slumber. The key word there in that sentence was trying. The moment his eyes started to close, he heard incoming footsteps and two people talking between themselves, further attention showed that Blair was singing and, judging by the sound of water moving accompanying her rather nice if funny to listen song about her love for pumpkins, she was taking a bath too.

"Well, even Shikamaru had to move his ass." Naruto said chuckling to himself as he forced his legs up and, with a smile and inward gratitude, picked his folded clothes that were near his table and put them on.

XXXXXX

Maka Albarn and her friend, partner and weapon Soul Eater Evans had expected a great challenge, a truly dangerous experience as they faced their last test in order to gather the soul of a witch and face the bigger leagues once Soul became a Death Scythe. Instead of that, the pigtailed blonde loli meister and her albino, shark-toothed laidback partner stared at a rather intimidating looking blond man in what looked like a red prison uniform with black combat boots with a steel guard for the toes. The man simply looked at them with his left hand in his pocket and the right one hanging at his side, swinging ever so slightly.

"Who are you?" The boy in the yellow jacket asked confused.

Naruto stared at him blankly and then at his partner, "Let me guess, you're Hansel and Gretel on your way to get some candy, right?" He casually asked as he produced a few candies from his left pocket, "I'll give you these if you promise to leave."

Maka blinked, "Sorry… sir… um… but we weren't taught to take things from strangers as kids."

Naruto either ignored her or decided to explain himself, "These are usually for a girl I take care off along her Mama… Said Mama is not really nice to her, so I get these when I can for her… Heh, poor girl, I even have to make sure a snotty, dirty brat doesn't bully her into giving him her candy."

Soul blinked, "Maka, are you sure this is Blair's? This guy shouldn't be here, and he doesn't seem to be either a meister or a weapon."

"Bzzt, Hansel." Naruto said, mimicking a buzz, "I am, or rather, I used to be a meister…" he popped one of the orange flavored candies to his mouth and remained where he was, his right hand up ready for battle with his left hand protecting his candies, "And do you know what is a meister's job, Gretel?"

Maka blinked awkwardly, her mouth opened in both confusion and irritation at the man's attitude, "I… Yes, I mean, how could I not? I am a meister."

Naruto waved dismissively, "I kinda asked if you knew the answer, not your life story."

Maka gritted her teeth and was about to stomp to the older blond, only to be stopped by Soul, "Calm down, breathe deeply, and answer his question so he either lets us pass or we get at least some answers from him."

Maka sighed, her partner was right, much as the older blond was irking her, "A meister's job is to protect people."

Naruto grinned, "Good answer…" he threw both a piece of candy which they caught, "And as a former meister… I will protect Blair from you or anyone who dares to attack her."

Maka widened her eyes, "You mean she has hired a bodyguard?"

Soul was just as shocked, "But she's been kicking our butts three rounds straig- Hmph!" he couldn't finish the last syllable as Maka smiled sheepishly to Naruto and clamped her weapon's mouth with her hand.

"Soul, please, don't let him have reasons to laugh at us… I don't want some old weirdo like him thinking we're weak." The girl said, her ego pretty down after being beaten by a woman far more carefree… and far more developed in several body areas.

Naruto chuckled, "You're kinda adorable… Tell you what, I won't hit you… so long as you turn around and promise to leave Blair alone for good."

The two kids glared and Maka held her partner's hand, instantly the albino boy turned into a large scythe that she twirled around her body like both were dancing. "Sorry, but after getting so far, we're not backing down!"

Naruto sighed, "Fine, you caught me in a… calmer than usual mood, so…" he reared back his right foot and kicked a nearby rock, hitting with it a pumpkin that was beside the duo. Blair peeked out of the window just in time to watch a couple of very familiar figures flying covered in sooth but thankfully not harmed out of her pumpkin field while her blond guest waved at her, "Thanks for my clothes, Blair."

The cat girl smiled warmly, "You're welcome, Naruto-kun. But next time those kids come, let Blair play with them, they are fun, especially Scythe Boy."

"Maybe I can help you so they don't bother you." The blond offered.

Her feline smile widened.

**XXXXXX**

**And that's my rap! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I am sure I left you with more questions than answers in some parts, which I will try to answer as soon as I can but I won't spoil a thing. Anyway, I had some fun being just a random nut-job with this chapter by going wild with it, some ideas that came to me in a moment like Naruto's W.I.P. that simply hit me, and also making fun of Naruto by having things blowing up in his face, rather literally here.**

**As for his attitude, he is more of an internet troll against people who want to fight him, like I showed with Mifune and now Maka and Soul here. Funnily enough, canon Naruto was like that, because the kid had one massive troll grin the moment he fooled a certain assassin from the Mist into releasing his biggest threat, or how he fooled a certain Hyuuga by finding a blind spot without knowing where the real blind spot was in their tournament fight. If that doesn't show Naruto had potential to be the next Joseph Joestar… I am further disappointed in Masashi Kishimoto.**

**Swordslinger out!**


	4. Chapter 4

I OWN NOTHING

Honesty time: my friend The Lord Of Pages dragged me into watching Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, so excuse me while I have some fun with Naruto showing inspiration from the parts that got me into that show, the fights.

SPECIAL THANKS: To Qzh for the idea inspiring this chapter and perhaps a future fic, I won't say anything for certain about the idea and how it'll be done here, it may not be done his way, but so far it's too fun to not use. Bottom line is, he asked me to make Naruto have a one-night stand with Maka's mother and be the girl's dad. I'm not sure if I would do it considering the Gorgon sisters and Blair all having affection for him while I still try to decide if I should make this a harem or not, but for another fic, well, certainly it'd be fun. For this one, I won't say anything for certain until giving it more thought, but for now have Naruto meeting young Kami.

**XXXXXX**

Nothing out of the bizarre

"Fried tuna again?" Naruto asked as he sat on Blair's table, poking his fried fish, or rather charbroiled fish, with his chopsticks. He still preferred to eat with chopsticks than a fork, but to see the now black fish before him made him consider what kind of stomach Blair had to eat so much coal-like fish and keep a figure that'd give Arachne some competition.

Blair, currently having taken the form of a black cat with her bizarre hat still on her now cute head, grinned. Well, she was cute and sexy all day and night, but as a cat she was cute. "Blair's managed to get a bargain with the fish man at Death City. He's the only one who treats Blair nicely, but that could be because Blair can use her charm." She winked at Naruto, who sighed.

"You're kinda scary if I think about it, having enough magic to knock me back, and being such a cute kid… Man, I feel old saying that." He sighed and peeled the burned skin off his fish to see if there was something edible inside. As he did so, he decided to grab one of the forks Blair also offered him to try to dig what could be his only healthy source of nutrients in this food, all while using his other hand to move his chopsticks to the side, capturing a scythe's staff that had been about to knock him out.

"Nya?" Blair said as she jumped into the table, the wind from the scythe's movement had knocked off her hat from her head, letting her see that Maka had Soul's pummel aimed at Naruto's head to just force him to sleep while she fought Blair. The cat girl smiled a bit, at least the girl wasn't one to kill others.

Naruto exhaled tiredly, "You know, if you wanted to be stealthy, I'd suggest someone who hasn't admitted to be a former meister." Here he effortlessly yanked Soul off Maka's hands and threw the scythe at the living room, with the boy morphing just in time to crash into the couch in a sprawled but still sitting position. Maka gasped, only to have her tie of her uniform grabbed by the immortal's chopsticks to he could pull her closer, "Here," he said simply as he popped a piece of orange candy into her mouth.

Maka pulled herself free, gagging a bit, only to blink, "It's… mango?" she blinked at the taste of what really was candy.

Soul blinked, "What're you talking about, Ma-" and he was silenced as Naruto flicked another orange candy, right into Soul's opened mouth, "Hmm…? I got lemon."

Then both blinked and in unison shouted, "Wait a minute, stop treating us like kids, old fart!"

Naruto lazily turned at them, one arm resting on the back of his chair, "Let me tell you two bits of very important information, kids. One, there are very few things that get me angry in this world and so far you're not one of them. And two, I dislike getting angry, and I wouldn't like you giving me a reason to be angry, because then I don't know how to pull back my punches."

Maka herself aimed a finger at Naruto, "Even then, we've come a long way to surrender now, old man."

Naruto raised a brow at the statement, "So, do you know who I am and still want to fight me, or do you have no idea and just want to kick my ass?"

"That'd be the latter, geezer." Soul said with a scowl as he stood besides his meister, "We've already collected ninety nine Kishin eggs, and we're one witch's soul from showing Spirit a new Death Scythe."

Naruto blinked, then grabbed his chin, and inquired, "That name rings a bell… Tell me, are you talking of a perverted scythe with womanizing problems even when he's supposedly dating a woman already?"

Maka cringed, a surprising reaction for Naruto, "Y-Yeah… you nailed him… That's my… ugh… dad…" Everyone could notice the venom and reluctance of admitting such a thing.

Naruto then lighted up as he aimed a finger at the blonde girl, "So you're Kami's daughter, right?" He got a questioning look and a nod. Naruto pushed his dish at Blair, who was already done with her own fried tuna and then devoured Naruto's, stood up and looked at the kids with his hands in his pockets, "I used to be a meister a long time ago, I didn't even fight along your mom but I could at least respect the woman… Heh, been a while since a brat stood up to me and told me they'd take care of a witch who truly deserved having her soul devoured." He looked up at the sky and laughed a bit, "In my opinion, woman was pretty badass, she had the balls your father lacked at least." And then, he hunched forward a bit, his mood souring a bit, "She also challenged me to a fight, overachiever cocky brat…"

And before Maka and Soul knew it, Blair had grabbed her hat, changed back to her human form from behind them without alerting the dup, and stepped dangerously close to them, "You were rude just now." she said, and before the duo of now terrified students could say a thing, a quick chant and they were sent flying back yet again towards Shibusen, "Honestly, barging in my home and throwing off my precious, lovely hat just for a fight? That's just plain rude and unneeded." Naruto sweat-dropped, but for now had been saved a few moments of fighting Shibusen students, still…

"I could've talked to them a bit, you know, get them to stop fighting you." He said tiredly. "All I needed were a few minutes of their time, some strong chains of mine to keep the boy from escaping, and we'd have talked this calmly… Ugh, maybe I should've done that yesterday instead of trying to get some proper sleep." He groaned as he held his face, regretting his stupid decisions was a habit he hated but that he still welcomed to humble himself, however briefly and bizarre, like regretting not talking Medusa about her foot fetish when she was a teen with a strange liking to her feet… It just weirded him out the kind of pleasure she got from them.

But he was brought out of his thoughts as Blair pouted, "But they hurt my hat." She said, with tears starting to form in her amber eyes.

Naruto jerked back, the sight both too cute and too hurtful to his morals, "Ah! Ok, ok! Sorry, I will be more mindful of your hat next time! I promise!"

Instantly perking up, Blair beamed, making our blond knucklehead wonder if it had actually been an act, which made him curse his weakness to seeing a girl in pain. But then, "So, how did you meet her mom?" she asked innocently with a large smile, he sighed, but decided it wouldn't hurt since it had happened years ago.

XXXXXX

Back in the past, give or take a good twenty years, a chronologically younger but still equally as currently gruff Naruto stood before Shibusen's doors, a hand of booze in one hand and his other hand in his pocket. Due to his liver he wasn't sober, but he was currently using the heavy alcohol. It was a bottle with no brand or specific kind of mixtures, it was just pure alcohol to wash off the bad taste in his mouth. It was the only drink to get his tongue buzzed for a good ten seconds. Once at the door, several students looked at him funny or wondered who he was. He simply ignored them and walked right in like he was at home.

He readied his bottle for another swig, "I hate bad news." He sighed and finally noticed the bottle was empty. The blond took in air deeply, before exhaling it along the steam that signified his regenerating liver had burned off the booze."Better get this over with, the sooner the better." He said while throwing the bottle behind his back, aiming for a trash can, only to listen to a loud yelp.

"Ow, who the Hell did that?!" a young man with a mop of red hair and blue eyes in Shibusen clothing groaned. He turned to the owner of the bottle, who had turned at him, "Hey you, old fart! What's the big deal?!"

The blond stood there, before waving with the hand that threw the bottle, "Sorry…" he said, though his face looked bored, his voice sounded completely disinterested, and all in all he wasn't in the mood to give a wholehearted apology when he had better things to do. He ignored the cries of the child to come back and face him, but the blond had an important meeting… being blocked by a girl.

"Wait right there, pops." She said, standing proud and with her arms crossed. Naruto in the present couldn't help but chuckle… Waist-length ashy blonde hair, wide olive green eyes, a round face with a cute button nose, small but still perky breasts and bum, and a stern face. At the time Naruto was reminded of Ino, had the Yamanaka girl the same attitude as Konan, the beautiful paper angel. But looking at Maka and thinking on this one girl made him chuckle a bit bitterly at how similar they were, which made him kick his ass in the present before groaning at the next memory:

Past Naruto looked down at Kami, the meister student who still had to get a witch's soul, and flatly said, "If you want a date, wait until you've become a truly mature woman. I'm not into little girls."

He had intended to pass, and in the present tried to calm a giggling Blair as she laughed from his straight-faced boldness, but Past Kami stood up at him and blocked his way with her arm, "I believe you owe my partner an apology, pops, and you'd need to get a bath and a tuxedo before asking a girl out." She said with fire in her eyes.

Naruto leaned down to get not on eye level but at least on nearer grounds with her, "I have to meet the shinigami in this building, and I did apologize already. Little girl, I am not in the mood to argue here with you, and you seem like a good child, you want me to apologize for something I did, but I have urgent business and my patience is thinning."

Kami stood her ground with her green eyes narrowing, "If you are so desperate to pass, I guess a few seconds to apologize would be better than me blocking your way until you apologize."

"Go, that's my Kami! That's why you're the top girl at our class!" Younger Spirit chanted, though as he did so, he also got to ogle his partner's figure with more appreciation to the curvature of her growing breasts.

Naruto grabbed his neck, cracked a few joints, and soon was walking behind Kami towards his destination with a smug look on his face as he turned to the blonde girl, "Quick lesson in life, kid, not everything goes as we want. Take it from someone like me who used to be a meister."

Kami turned and gasped, before growling, "Arrogant… cunning… slithering…" she tried to hold her own temper under control to not outright go and fight the older man after he just vanished in a flash of golden light. Who knew what kind of powers he had, or if he had his weapon with him all along if he could simply teleport. Also, while angry, she was curious about the Hiraishin and its usefulness, but still greatly disliked the man.

For the young Kami Albarn, it was interesting to possibly learn from him, but a thought also struck her. Why did he proclaim to be a former meister? Had he retired or was he a special case? She shook her head, it was best if she followed him, forced him to apologize with Spirit who ran after her, and then got to do her job and finally get herself a witch's soul.

As she neared Lord Death's office, something weird came out, "Oh, we have guests." The god of death said with his ever childish tone. Both Kami and Spirit walk into the room, looking at the figure covered in a cloak with cartoonish jagged edged and a far more cartoonish mask. Two tendrils rolled out, before something white also rolled out, expanded, and then inflated itself like a balloon to show large square cartoonish hands.

That was the best way to describe Lord Death the shinigami, but the other man was best described as gruff, "Oh, it's the ankle-biters."

Kami grew angry but in the presence of the god of death kept herself composed, "Lord Death, do you know this guy?"

Spirit growled, "If you don't, do you mind letting us kick him out?"

Death sighed, "I know him, and you should perhaps mind your manners more."

Naruto turned to the kids with half a glare and half a measuring stare, analyzing them, "In my opinion these kids are still too young to hunt a witch, and even less this one."

Death turned to the blond man, "That may be true, but so far I trust these two enough to let them know who you are."

Naruto scoffed, "Perhaps you should let people know who I am already, instead of keeping these kids in the shadows until they get out."

Death shook his head, "No, do you really want to have humans misjudge you and hunt you down if they all knew who you are? I'd rather keep your identity safe. And I shall share it only with the students who graduate."

Naruto's mood soured, "Fine, I can see your point… But I could still take them, not like I'd die because some idiot has a gun or is desperate to experiment on me. However, here we are, and you trust these two?"

The masked man chuckled, "Kami's an exceptional meister, a very powerful one with great skills. Spirit will make a great Death Scythe, his wavelength links him to others, although it's better with women."

The two students looked at the blond man with a questioning eye, he spoke too casually with Death, but the way they treated each other didn't seem all too friendly, like the blond gruff man had something he just disliked not only about Death but the entire place he was in. It seemed that the more the man was in the room, the more effort he put in keeping his cool.

Kami spoke up, "So, you do know Lord Death, but neither of you will give us your identity unless we prove ourselves, it seems." She said as she held her hand out, her partner turning into a pitch black scythe.

Naruto grinned, "Hoh, so you want to solve this with actions, not words. Fine by me, I don't get enough chances to teach you Shibusen brats why it's best to think twice about what dangers you're dealing with." He kept his left hand in his pants' pocket, but his right hand was out and parallel to the ground, extended forward in a mixture of offense and defense. "You don't mind if we use this place for a little fight, do you, Death-boya?"

The god waved, "Go ahead, I actually thought this place needed some renovations anyways."

The two blondes locked eyes, Spirit speaking, "This guy's wavelength is plain weird, it's like his every aura brought some strange warmth around himself, are you sure we can take them?"

"There's one way to find out if we really deserve to be on top of our class." Kami said as she twirled her partner on her right hand before nailing the tip on the ground, aiming it at Naruto, challenging him to come at her.

Naruto grinned as had the back of his hand facing the kids, Good Guy style like two green beasts he knew, and curled and uncurled his fingers, "Let's go then."

Kami didn't need another word, she glared at the taller man and lunged at him with Spirit ready to cut him down in two. Naruto watched the blow, he could see the girl's perfect form flow along her partner in her hands, readying a perfect textbook strike to take him out. With a chuckle, the blond stepped forward and lashed his right arm at Kami. The girl reacted instantly by flipping Spirit in her hands to parry the blow. She surprised Naruto even more by twirling her body around the staff of the scythe like a ballerina or, in the mind of the most perverted men, a professional pole dancer, and using the momentum to slam her feet on his face.

Spirit cried, "Got him!" he said, and then his cheer died as he noticed that Naruto's body was leaned forward and that the instant Kami's shoes made contact her legs bended back. Naruto hadn't only taken the strike full-force, he had head-butted right into the double kick in order to return the force. Kami grunted as she was sent flying back, but managed to right herself, nailing the tip of the scythe's blade on the ground in order to twirl her body around it and land on the staff. She panted a bit but kept her green eyes locked on the blond man's.

He chuckled in return, there was a bit of blood flowing from his forehead. With his still free hand he reached up, touched the blood and pressed his fingers together against it. And just like that, he was gone in a flash of yellow light. Kami gasped, now gripping Spirit in both hands, ready to defend herself and strike this man again… she suddenly swung the large black blade around, with Naruto jumping back to avoid the slice. The blond landed on his back, but his legs were curled with his arms also supporting his body, once flipping himself up he stood before Kami at full height and inches apart from her.

He chuckled as he pulled out his left fist and lashed at her, "What're you gonna do without range to swing your friend around?" he asked, effectively ticking her off.

The girl showed off once again her dexterity and flexibility by twisting her wrist and yanking Spirit back, the black blade coming at Naruto from behind, only to hit yet another yellow flash. The blonde girl growled and singlehandedly spun Spirit around her fingers like he was a fan, and managed to create a perfect swinging arc coming from the level of her head, going down in a wonderful swift movement that left behind remains of light with a crescent moon's shape, and kept on going from the ground up to where Naruto was standing, right behind her.

Naruto saw it all, though, '_She's not even attempting to kill me, well, time to get in her way then._' He had decided he was going to test this girl. The blond grunted as he was hit, stopping the blade piercing his right arm inches from his face with only two bits of skin still holding his limb together, "Kuh… Not bad, ankle biter… That stings."

Kami and Spirit couldn't even believe what the man was doing, "W-What is up with you?!" the girl cried in horror, her eyes widening in pure fear at what she had done, "I… You… are you insane…?"

Naruto stared calmly at the girl and her speechless partner for a few seconds before speaking up, "Oi, aren't you going to keep fighting?" he asked casually, and just then Kami and Spirit noticed that the wound on his forehead had sealed, and not only that but the blood had also returned to the insides of his head. "I have a blade going through my arm, and it hurts. If you want to talk about anything, kindly pull it out."

Kami stared in shock at him, "W-What're you…?"

Naruto chuckled as he grabbed the blade and slowly but surely pulled it out, "I'm the guy who saw through your attacks… I never sensed any killing intent from you." Once Spirit was pulled out, Naruto showed the kids his arm as his wounds healed, "Now, where were we?" He flexed his arm, glad to feel the muscles reconnected, which gave him quite the evil smirk as he turned to the kids.

Kami widened her eyes when the blond lashed his now healed arm at them, an ethereal blue chain extending itself from his hand like a real whip, moving at a speed that left blocking as the girl's best option. She bounced back, giving some heavy and unharmonious footsteps backwards as the chain whip crashed and bounced too on the staff, making Spirit groan, "Damn it, whatever he hit me with stung like a real whip…" Kami saw another lash come her way, so she twirled Spirit and lashed back with a slash, the blade and the ethereal structure clashing with enough hit and force to make sparks and force the wind to disperse around them. The girl twirled the scythe around her body just as Naruto reared back his arm for another strike, this time the clash echoed in a good amount of classrooms in the school.

She stood on her toes, "Does it hurt again?" she asked her partner who shook his head in his scythe form.

"No, this time you managed to match and cancel his strike, but you can sense it, can't you?"

She nodded while gritting her teeth, "Yes… he's not even taking this seriously… So let's force him to!" with a loud battle cry, Kami charged once again at the immortal who grinned and reared back both hands.

Naruto just gave her a wild grin. As Kami swung Spirit to strike the blond, the immortal swung his opened hand to catch the blade, letting the scythe pierce his opened palm in order to shock Kami when he gripped the blade tighter, shrugging off the pain. She tried to pull back her weapon, only to grunt as she was proven right in her most dreaded thoughts, she wasn't as physically strong as the tank of a man. With just one hand the heavier, taller, and muscular man kept her partner locked in place, while his left leg was swung at her. Kami tried to escape the strike, only to be shocked when it stopped midway from landing a swift knee on her stomach. Instead, she felt Naruto's right palm land on her gut, gently. She wasn't hit with force, but it was more like he patted her flat tummy.

"You got a strong soul…" Naruto commented, not in a mocking tone, but more like he was stating a fact. Kami then felt it, Naruto's wavelength, his soul was… she couldn't describe what she felt from it. There was some strange warmth to his aura, but something was simply off. He didn't let her feel more as he shot his wavelength into her gut, sending her rolling back until she laid on her back while Naruto still held Spirit by the blade.

"K-Kami-chan!" the redhead cried, before trying to fry the man's hands by putting both out of sync… but he could only watch as Naruto held him in his hand, pulled the blade out of his now healing hand, and hefted him on his shoulder with mastered ease and a well-trained grip, like he had been doing this for far too long.

Naruto weighted Spirit, "Heh, it's been a while since I've used a weapon… This kid's not half bad, but even I can sense that back then was the girl… and it's far clearer now that he favors women…" He twirled the blade, nailing the tip on the ground before Kami just like she had done before her match with the immortal. "Now, tell me you two, do you want to keep going?"

To his pleasant surprise, the girl grabbed the scythe and pulled herself up while keeping her green eyes locked with his blue ones, "I still got my courage to stand up to you. I won't fear you, and even less when I can learn who you are." she pulled back her partner and spun him around for round two.

He grinned at her, "Heh, cocky brat…"

XXXXXX

"After I finally beat her and she admitted defeat, I saw it fit to let her go with such fire in her eyes, though I still accompanied her to make sure she and her partner didn't get hurt. In the end she got the witch before she could do harm beyond repair, without even needing my help. We kept a bit of contact, she was one of the few people I fought that I could respect." Naruto said as he finished his story, "Then she married Spirit, and he cheated on her, not the first time he did so, sadly. She ended up leaving him once she had enough of his attitude and I haven't gotten much messages from her lately, but so far I hear she's been doing great."

Blair, now in her cat form, rested on her couch with her tail wiggling in happiness, "Seems like you made a good friend. Also, Lord Death is trying to keep your identity in secret? But it doesn't work."

Naruto chuckled, "It's been working, so far I'm mostly a rumor and the few people who know of me are those close to witches and Shibusen graduates, the latter at least keep their mouths shut under their boss' orders and don't even tell a thing to their kids. If some random civilian has heard of me, they'll only know there's a guy protecting witches, that his name may be Uzumaki Naruto, and that he doesn't die."

She nodded, "True, first time Blair heard about you was from an impostor. They failed miserably, so Blair sent the guy flying off into the city like those kids." She then looked up, "But why does Lord Death send the little girl and Scythe Boy after Blair? She's done nothing wrong, she just looks like a witch."

Naruto sighed, "You do look like a witch, and that's the problem." He ruffled his messy hair, "While Shibusen tries to protect humans and yours truly, witches on the other hand are chaotic by nature and seen as dangerous. Some random idiots think they can collect money by capturing a witch's soul and sending it to Shibusen. Death doesn't monitor every single witch he's dealing with, and he has no idea of which deserve to be hunted since witches hate his guts and his academy, not to mention the only way I can tell that is after the witch in questions loses all sanity…" he sighed, "So because of that, humans hunt witches for money, and Shibusen goes after those witches rumored to be either incredibly dangerous or incredibly powerful, both for the threat they can be for others, and their souls."

Blair's ears fell down, "Sounds like Naruto-kun doesn't have a good time."

He sighed, "Well, it's mankind, only way they'll learn is the hard way. Don't look down on them, I used to be one before getting hired by Death's father, Shinigami." He groaned a bit at the memory, "That's kind of a long story, though. So, what do you want to do next time the kids appear? I'm not good at hurting toddlers unless they do deserve it, they still need to insult you for me to get serious on them."

Blair smiled at his statement, he'd be willing to fight if someone like her was hurt, he really was a good friend, "Well, Blair's fine with playing with Naruto-kun, but perhaps you could watch as Blair has her fun."

Naruto raised a single brow, "How so?"

The purple head gave him a wide, feline smirk that he found himself liking, "Oh, Blair knows that demon weapons need ninety nine Kishin eggs, and one witch soul, but Blair has several lives, and she isn't a witch."

Naruto chuckled, "You'd be willing to put a soul in the line, a soul that is your own, for the sake of pulling a prank on two kids when they're about to achieve their goals through effort, pain, and blood?"

Blair cutely nodded, "Pretty much, nya."

He shrugged, "Meh."

She blinked, "What do you mean, meh?"

He shrugged again, "I did worse as a brat. I once put a horny weasel in a brooder's bed after spraying said brooder with pheromones. The next morning, the guy wasn't a virgin no more, but the weasel was male."

Blair's face actually flushed and her feline smile spread itself quickly, "You're a monster… so what did the guy end up looking like? Did the weasel just hump him?"

Naruto laughed, "I didn't want to stay to see the action, so to speak, but watching the guy running with scratches on his back, a terrified face, and cursing his brother while the guy had nothing to do with it, was just priceless. Even better, no-one managed to find any trails leading to me."

Blair giggled, "Oh, you were the devil back then…"

He chuckled, "Yeah, I was a real punk back then. Now I'm still one, but at least more mature."

She smiled softly to her friend, "So, think you can help Blair set this up?"

Naruto nodded, "Yes, and I know where to start… This'll be a surprise for you, but for now just wait here for my return. I won't take long."

XXXXXX

"So…" Death started as he sweated bullets, looking at Naruto through the image of his magic mirror, "Blair was never a witch?"

Clad in a black suit, with a green shirt and a black crucifix shaped tie was an older Spirit, "You mean that bodacious babe my Maka's been chasing after is a cat?! And she's gotten hurt for no reason?!"

Naruto stared calmly at the two, hands in his pockets, "Yes, but you must know, Death, that I hate it when your students go after witches without my spoken, written and blood-stained consent." Spirit grunted at the mention of blood, remembering a part in which he tried to help Kami out of his weapon form only to get sent flipping in the air by a lariat, "You better believe I want retribution for this. Blair's innocent, she's a really sweet soul, and if you or your students ever try to harm her again I won't settle for having more than a few words with you, again."

Death nodded, "I realize this was our mistake. Hunters had returned from facing someone who looked like a witch, but I didn't put any mind into this. Since you were never seen around, we believe you wanted nothing to do with her."

Naruto shook his head, "Even then, let me tell you two pieces of information. One, never jump to conclusions because that's what helped destroy my old life thanks to the fools believing themselves in the right. Two, from now on you talk with me no matter what, even if you must wait until a new Ice Age."

Death nodded, "So, what do you have in mind?"

Spirit cringed, "Please, don't hurt my daughter… You can break every bone in her partner's body, but don't hurt my Maka." He pleaded with tears even.

Naruto groaned at the sight, "I'd like to say the idea of breaking bones is tempting, but it's not what I have in mind. This punishment is a far more scarring one that'll make them learn this lesson to heart… And don't worry, it's not physically scarring. I'd hate myself for making a father cry at his daughter suffering a punishment she doesn't deserve." He said to calm Spirit.

But when he told the two of what Blair had in mind… they could only beg the two kids didn't have a heart attack.

**XXXXXX**

**And that's my rap!**

**So, I am still leaving more questions, and here are some answers. Yes, Naruto was a meister, a five stars meister before retiring to protect the witches with the reasons still not going to be revealed to avoid spoilers. Secondly, whether Maka will turn out to have huge revelations from her mother is still up to debate as I'm not sure if I could pull this off here or make it in another fic. Third, there's what I picture Kami Albarn would have looked like and if you're wondering if she'll make an appearance, well, that's up to me to decide along whether or not having her and Naruto sharing a one-night stand and a daughter… I know some of you want Chrona to have a sister, and others want to crucify me for adding another member for a story I still don't know if it'll be harem or not.**

**Well, to the latter… if I have to be crucified, do so upside down, please. Or, if you think you are mature enough, try to comprehend this is how I write and how I am having fun, so try to respect my decisions and if you don't like them, well, write your own fic or just leave, don't make an ass out of yourself by flaming and complaining about how things didn't go your way because, in all seriousness, I get enough of those from guest reviewers using criticism with no facts to back them up or insulting for the sake of insulting while proclaiming they never watch Soul Eater because "it's stupid and so is anyone who watches it", and yes, the latter has happened, just another guest review trying to be a troll.**

**Swordslinger out!**


	5. Chapter 5

I OWN NOTHING

Let me say I was honestly pleasantly surprised with how you guys took last chapter's possible future twist. Whether it comes or not is up to me but, yeah, can't say I'm not tempted. Naruto makes a good surprise dad.

**XXXXXX**

Maka's Bizarre Battle

Laying flat on his back was a man's little but treasured pleasure. To feel comfortable as one is facing the skies or even ceilings, no worries or troubles happening, and most importantly there was that sense of peace and serenity… "Man, I'm bored." Yes, there was also that. One Uzumaki Naruto had nothing better to do but wait, talk to Blair a bit which was rather nice on its own, and freeload while waiting for it to be time. Right now he could listen to her bathing, and if he focused his senses enough he could listen to the brush washing every inch of skin that the water touched. He couldn't lie and say he didn't envy the bubbly water, but he had better things to do than act like a creeper.

Currently, he was counting the minutes passing by, and had made a mental game called "Pull mind out of gutter for Chrona's sake", a game in which he tried to figure what to get her next time they met, what places they could visit, and what ways he could use to restrain Medusa from giving Chrona either a sibling or a far deeper trauma… In that order, marshmallows covered in chocolate sounded lovely, a petting zoo was too daring but could help the shy girl ease off, and his chakra chains should still do the trick, that or bring Shaula over to use the "get family together" card so the middle and younger sisters fought between themselves… Possible massive property damage would certainly come, but it seemed like a fair and cheap sacrifice compared to the time he first held Chrona in his arms.

He sighed, "Medusa knows I am not getting any younger. Next time I should tell her she's also getting wrinkles."

"I am not! Gah!"

Naruto kept on staring at the ceiling, ignoring the snake nearby that had clamped its tail over its lipless mouth. He sighed, "What do you want? Last time I'd be okay with you sneaking around like a snake was when we still played tea parties with your sisters… Damn it, now I really want some chocolate chip cookies." He said as he remembered three adorable little girls sitting around a table, the image had him wearing pink ribbons to play with the girls as their fairy godmother… Anyone who dared to laugh at that had been punched repeatedly to erase such image from their minds but it still made the girls happy, so he had been happy.

Beside him, the snake growled as it took an appearance in a nearby couch with the man not even bothering to look in the direction of the blonde snake witch. "I heard of your stay with this Blair girl. Not even a real witch by what I gathered from others. So, I must ask why you are still here." she asked, looking at the blond immortal guardian who had wanted only her smile since she was a little girl to keep on fighting.

He still kept his eye on the ceiling, "To be honest, I don't know. I guess I wanted a change of pace with someone who's innocent and likes to play. If you're really so concerned about me, I should ask why… but knowing you, I can never say anything for certain."

Medusa smiled, "Admit it, Naruto, you enjoy getting close to others. Keeping things from you makes you return to me eventually, and you know you will never leave my side." If snakes could smile, Medusa would have looked like one. But her jab didn't get any response, instead Naruto just moved his arms to use them as pillows while his eyes remained glued on the ceiling.

He spoke once he got more comfortable, "You speak like one of those creepy yanderes from some manga."

Medusa chuckled, "You still read that stuff? Still a kid on the inside, I see."

He chuckled back, "I may be a dusty fossil, but I'd rather feel young as best as I can…" The two kept their smiles a bit more before Naruto asked, "Did you really come here to spy on Blair?"

Medusa's laugh was mirthless, "As much of a joy as it is to have you, I know she is not your type, she is too childish… But I still won't trust any woman who dares get close to you like that harpy Kami."

Naruto could even feel the cruel smirk on that reptilian mouth, "You're still jealous, I see." He replied indifferently, knowing the way to trigger Medusa.

To say she got mad was an understatement, "Who'd be jealous of a flat-chested, fat assed hussy like her?!" she roared as she stood up, aiming a finger at the blond man who remained calm.

He rolled his eyes away from her, "So, you're now jealous that a girl like Blair-chan is livelier than you?"

Medusa scowled, "Daring to try to compare my body with cows like my big sister, aren't you?" she said as she felt her mood really souring. If there were two things that pissed her off they were a) Shibusen with emphasis on those members from the academy that acted like idiots, mostly Death and Spirit, and b) women who tried to get what she saw as hers. To have Naruto speak so casually of other women being superior to Medusa's already delicious figure, proud curves, and elegant features was like asking for a death sentence. But the problem was that the immortal couldn't die, and Medusa was too fond of him to even try to hurt him for something like this… Oh, she'd get back, but for now she wanted to talk to her old childhood friend.

But he spoke first, "If I want to ogle women, I'll go to Spain's beaches and see the topless beach girls. If I want to have good company, a host club is a nice place with good drinks. But… you are still that same little girl who'd ride on top of my shoulders that used to try to show off her snake tricks." He finally turned at her as he sat on the couch, "So while you've made things that haven't made me proud, I am above comparing you to others… I will still say you could try to be nicer like other people, though."

She breathed in deeply, her face still in a scowl, but she could feel her insides warming far too much at his kind words, "You never change, old man, that's really why I'd never change you or that dumb look of yours."

"Heh, don't take me wrong… Comparing people is something I don't like to do on things such as appearance, talents, or stuff like that. I'm selfish enough to say I'd rather like that people had some energy to them, were a bit idiotic to enjoy themselves from time to time, but were at least smart enough to do the right thing… I know it's too much to ask, but I met a few people like that."

Medusa blinked, "Who?"

He simply chuckled and aimed a finger at her, "A little girl who said she'd use her magic to protect me and save the witches from hunters…"

The snake witch turned, not wanting him to see her genuine smile, "Still a romantic, I see… But that girl was naïve, whatever made her think the world was pretty is gone. I will take joy keeping my word, though."

And with that, she left, with Naruto sighing, "She's never going to change, is she?" he asked as he let himself fall down on the couch, feeling then a warm, fuzzy body landing on his lap. He chuckled and scratched Blair under her chin, "You heard all of that, didn't you?" she nodded, "Any thoughts or suggestions?" She just purred, making him chuckle, "Enjoy myself while I can, then?" he asked, and she nodded again before rubbing her face against his red jumpsuit, her tail swishing happily at the ministrations. Meanwhile, a pair of more reptilian amber eyes stared at the feline with great detail, and also critical hatred because the owner knew it should be her and not that damn cat being petted on top of the immortal's well built body.

XXXXXX

Knowing he was perhaps crazy from the start ever since he tried to raise three little witches, Naruto just walked forward through the streets of Death City. "Maybe I am getting too soft. Doing this to deal with a pair of kids." He commented as he walked to the academy's dorms, ignoring the glances he got from several people due to how he stood out with his appearance alone. Kind of an accomplishment considering he had met an albino with shark teeth, but then again he wore an outfit that looked like a prison outfit. Well, he couldn't help it, jumpsuits were like a part of him.

He finally found his destination, a large mansion-like building with dozens of rooms, a massive bath with a hot spring, and the aroma of teenage love. Yes, it was the girls' dorm. He had half a mind to turn around and look for the reason he was in here in other parts of town, but his senses told him where to go, and they said to go into the place many perverted men the likes of a toad sage would want to go. Naruto clenched and unclenched his right hand as he looked at the dormitory, the left one resting in his pants pocket. With his eyes closed, his other senses were focused all around him, and once he detected not a single nearby soul, a quick flash of golden light was all he needed to get in.

Once in he found where he wanted to be, he had alerted the newcomers, "Oh, Naruto-sama!" said one of his many friends in the world of witches as he stood before them. "W-What're you doing here? I… I would have made this place look decent had I known you-"

Naruto raised his hand to stop the girl from talking as he stared calmly at the girls before him. One with short pink hair, green eyes, and a round face that for some reason made people think of a tanuki. The other girl had long almost-black brown hair and matching eyes. Both were wearing simple sailor uniforms with green skirts, white blouses, and a green scarf. Naruto had known them and their shared secret for a while. He promised he'd be there to protect the witches, and it was a promise that made one tanuki witch very grateful towards him.

"I should have called. Sorry for the intrusion, I didn't think you'd be around." He said, scratching the back of his head, "I didn't sense anyone in the room so I thought I'd wait for you here. I… well, I have no other place to get in without causing trouble or being suspicious. Sorry."

"We just entered, so there's no need to apologize." The pink haired girl said with a smile, remembering how she met this man.

XXXXXX

_In the middle of a forest, one Naruto Uzumaki was confused. "I swear I sensed that there were wolves around here… Tch, can't let them attack the nearby witches at their camp." He then noted that he was not alone as he moved in the middle of the woods, where a nest rested on top of a tree, and a girl who had the faint scent of a witch tried to climb it, "Huh? Who're you?" the titan of a man asked the small girl who stood before him._

_She gasped and let go of the tree, looking down to try to hide her face from him, "I'm… I'm nobody."_

_The man, who was a giant in her eyes, sighed but kneeled, still towering over the little girl who tried to hide her body with a green cloak, "Well, Nobody, what are you trying to do?"_

_Instead of answering, the girl turned and tried to run, which proved futile as the man's quick arm caught her wrist, making her cry pitifully, "L-Let me go! You protect witches, not freaks like me!" but the man didn't let her go, he remained silent as he kept his grip on her. She snapped, "I'm not even a real witch in the eyes of others, so let me go! I'm not powerful, I barely know how to use magic, and the magic I have is… is not a real witch's! So just let me go, I'm not one of them! You have no reason to protect me!"_

_The blond pulled the girl closer, "What's this ability of yours?"_

_The girl finally stopped where she was, but thinking he would let her go if she showed him how much of a freak she was, she could finally run off and be alone, "I… can heal others." She said as she reached into her cloak and pulled out a little baby bird. It was badly injured, its right leg was broken and bleeding. But the next moment the girl closed her hands around the little baby, and when she opened them next to show the man the bird, its leg was as good as new, not even stained by its blood._

_He actually chuckled, surprising the girl, "Heheheh… That's not an ability, it's a blessing." He commented, making the girl look up at him in shock, showing a small mop of pink hair._

"_Y-You mean it…?" she asked, nobody, not even her peers, had considered her powers good when compared to other witches, nothing close to a blessing._

_He chuckled and petted the bird with a thumb, "Listen, in a world where people just harm each other to have the ability to heal everyone makes you have the most beautiful ability I ever heard of… Heh, just make sure not to punch people unless they truly deserve it." He said as he wondered what the odds that he had found another pink haired healer were._

_Then a howl came, and soon a pack of wolves started to surround the duo, growling at the invaders who had entered their territory. The pinkette stood behind the guardian of all witches while he cracked his knuckles. "Naruto-sama, please don't let them hurt the baby." She said as she held close the little bird._

_Naruto chuckled, "Don't worry, fleabags like this aren't even a warm up!" he shouted as he rushed the wild beasts. In a few seconds, Kim watched in amazement as the blond man's punches sent the beasts either limping away or running for their lives. All the while he got not a single injury and by using only his brute force._

_To say she admired him from that day was an understatement._

XXXXXX

The blond sat down on the bed and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, "I came to ask you a favor, Kim, your friend is someone you trust, right?"

The pinkette smiled, "Of course she is, I've grown to trust her for a year, she's actually my best friend. But what do you need from me?"

"I'm not so sure," the brunette said shyly, holding her right elbow with her left hand, "This should concern people who know of witches, I'm just an intruder so-"

The pinkette held her partner's shoulders with a smile, "No, you're the one who said she'd help me, or if you want me to charge you for listening to this maybe you'll feel less guilty."

Naruto sighed, '_This is rather terrifying if I think about it. Pink hair aside, she's a healer and has a bad habit with money, not to mention having a brunette assistant… I just hope she doesn't end up gambling or drinking._' He shook his head from the nostalgia trip and stood up to look down at the girls, "It's more information what I'm interested in. Considering both of you are Shibusen students, you can guess what I'm here for. But don't worry, I've promised Death I wouldn't attack his academy or anyone in it unless they asked for it." He added the last part as soon as he noted the brunette's widening eyes to which he replied by shaking his arms defensively to try to sooth her. She ended up letting a silent breath which he took as his cue to wait for their reply.

"What kind of information are you in for, Naruto-sama?" the pinkette asked with a wide smile.

Naruto chuckled, "It's about a couple of students. Knowing you, Kim, you must have good information on your classmates to get money out of them. And Jackie's kind of a social girl, enough to befriend you."

The raccoon witch pouted, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Naruto waved dismissively, "It means both of you have what I'm here for. So, what do you have on a couple of kids named Maka and Soul? The first one is a blonde girl with green eyes, is that lazy womanizer Death Scythe Spirit's daughter, and the second is a kid with white hair and a serious need to find a good dentist."

"We do know them." Jackie said, but looked down at her feet, "But what did they do? I've heard of you from Kim, you don't attack humans or Shibusen students unless they do something bad but they're not bad people, they're nice, even if they usually argue a lot they still try to be friends with others and…" Jackie fumbled a bit on her words, trying hard to find good traits from her fellow students to lessen whatever punishment the man may have for them.

Naruto raised a hand defensively to halt the girl's speech, "I know, I know… I met the kids. I'm not going to beat them to a pulp, calm down. I just want to throw them off their game and make them learn a lesson. Only reason I'd go all out would be if someone truly pissed me off." He then gave the girls a rather malicious grin, "But that doesn't mean I can't have my fun with them, huh?"

The girls gulped, this felt like they were betraying their friends but, considering who stood before them and his nature, they decided to trust the immortal's judgment.

XXXXXX

It was night time and Maka and Soul were calmly relaxing at their apartment, more like Soul had his body glued to the couch, his feet kicked on one of the arms, and his head resting on his arms like pillows while his ears listened intently to the music blaring from his headphones. Maka however was reading a book in a nearby sofa, clearly engrossed in it. It wasn't the typical book she read, not meister related, or related to any of the genres she preferred. It was a history book, that much was true, but whatever she tried to dig didn't seem to make her happy with the way her thin brows were knitted together.

Soul could note this even with his eyes closed, "Jeez, Maka, the aura in this room's getting colder with how serious you're getting. Can't you let it go? That guy could've been a random meister who Lord Death may want nothing to do with. The guy's obviously not sane. He might have been good but gotten kicked out, quit because he didn't get paid enough, or I don't know maybe he was mad some jack-off took his girlfriend."

Maka sighed, "You could be right, but even then Shibusen should have someone like him registered. To think a meister of that caliber is siding with the witches should be far more known." She finally put the book down and rubbed her tired eyes with one hand, the other reaching for another book, "There must be at least something on him. I mean even my… father has something written about him…" she sighed, not really liking to address the redhead man. In her eyes, it was his fault her mother left, and with good reasons since the woman had grown tired of the man's cheating.

The shark toothed boy quickly picked that up, "Oi, hasn't your mom sent you a letter? You could read something else to cheer you up. Just focusing on studying is gonna make you all stiff, Maka."

The girl huffed, but couldn't let out a small grin at her friend and partner's care, "You should study more, Soul, or else no matter if you become a Death Scythe soon, Sid-sensei will probably kick you out of class."

The boy grumbled, "That'd be uncool, but no worries, I'm just gonna become a cool Death Scythe." He aimed a finger at the skies with a laidback grin, "It's my way to show the world I'm a manly cool dude."

Maka shook her head with a brief sigh as she moved to the papers she left in the kitchen's counter, one special letter standing on top with her mother's writing and signature. Kami Albarn still kept in touch with her daughter even after the events that led to her divorce. She was away from Shibusen in order to be away from Spirit, and due to their now distant work places, she was unable to see her daughter due to the redhead.

In a way, the girl felt like she had lost a lot. Spirit was still hitting on anything with a skirt, and due to that her mother wasn't in town to avoid looking at him in the eye. Of course the girl would be mad at her father… but he had raised her, told her stories, and even now after all his fuck-ups he tried to make it up to her for all of his mistakes. It didn't mean Maka could easily forgive him, at all. She still wished to see her mother more and talk to her, but alas, she was a student of Shibusen, and she'd make sure she surpassed her parents no matter what.

But just as she neared the mail, someone else took it, "Huh, Kami's never changed. Even when she and I exchanged words or letters, she would always comment how you made her smile." One Uzumaki Naruto said as he looked at the piece of paper and handed it to the blonde girl. "It sure must be nice having someone like her as a mother despite the distance."

It was then and there that Maka knew only one thing, this man just wanted to piss her off, "What're you doing here?! And let go of that letter!" she shouted, yanking it from her hands. "More importantly, what do you think you're doing entering our home like some stalker, you perverted old man?"

Naruto chuckled and gave his back to her, leaning on the counter, "I just came here to see what's so hot about you two kids."

"Then you got it coming!" Soul shouted, he had long since morphed his right arm into a blade and was now jumping at Naruto… only to watch yet again as the immortal blocked his strike, this time shocking the young scythe boy by grabbing the blade with his bare hand, letting the edge cut into his bare palm, "D-Damn it, you're really insane." The kid said as he stepped back and morphed his arm back to normal.

Naruto raised a brow but kept a laidback grin on his face, "You didn't cut my hand in half when you had the chance, boy. Why?" he asked as he aimed that hand at the kid.

Soul growled, "You do owe us a lot of answers, like how do you know Maka's old fart and her mom? It wouldn't do if I killed you right off the ba-"

And just then and there both Maka and Soul understood that Naruto wasn't bat shit insane, he was shitting-bats levels of insane. The blond leaned backwards at an impossible fifty degrees inclination with his arms crossed, keeping its balance without any effort, "How about we play a little game?" he said, cutting off Soul.

The blonde girl blinked, "Why should we trust it isn't a trap?" she asked straight to the point as she moved a hand back to hold her partner's.

Naruto replied by raising forward a hand, his body still leaned backwards Dio Brando style, and showed a purple soul which the kids found all too familiar, "That's… That's Blair's soul!" the kid stated in shock.

Maka's eyes were wide in terror before she glared at the man, "Y-You! What did you do with her?!"

Naruto chuckled, his face now showing a mirthful smile that was just deadly. Due to trying to keep himself young inside, the blond had read a lot of manga, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure was one of them, and he knew how to pull off a Dio Brando impersonation. This meant he knew how to act like a fabulous bastard in order to make people piss their pants and obey his whims, something used against witch hunters who didn't get a clue.

He kept the pose, while his smile took a rather seductive and sweet tone while he changed his voice to be both melodic and entrancing, a deadly song in other's ears, "I believed all meisters and their weapons desired power, Maka Albarn. To think you'd have shown feelings for your target makes you seem rather… weak."

Maka snapped at him, "I thought you were trying to protect Blair, but to see you betraying her is something I had never wanted to see happening to her or anyone else, you monster!"

Our hero grinned, but not in mockery or even as part of his act, hearing those words did make him proud, '_Hard to believe Spirit had a part in raising this girl, then again he at least can take things seriously when needed._' Naruto then crossed his arms yet again, "Oh, so you killing her differs from me killing her in what way?"

Maka growled at the man, venom dripping from her every word, "We may have been defeated by her several times, but we at least didn't fool her into trusting us only to kill her! People like you… people who betray others for some personal gain are scum! I am taking Blair's soul from you, but when I do I'll make sure it can at least rest in peace!"

Soul sneered at the man, his voice also showing his hatred in a more silent and calm way that only spoke of a beast waiting to be unleashed, "As a weapon, it's my duty to eat the soul of a witch, it's also my duty to protect my meister… But to think you only used a girl's trust to kill her makes me want to rip your soul out with my bare teeth."

Naruto chuckled, '_Heh, that's a good determination they got. Now let's see how well they react to people throwing them off._' He turned to Maka, doing his best to keep his sweet smile, "Then do you not wish to have the power to surpass your parents, right here from my hands? The power to make sure people stop comparing you to your mother by surpassing Kami? Or are you playing hero like in the books you loved, trying to gain the attention and respect of those around you?" Maka grunted, stepping back a bit, and he continued, "So your goal isn't as pure as surpassing your limits, no, you want to stand out, huh?"

She glared at him, "It doesn't matter." She said as she held Soul now in his scythe form, "What does is that people like you won't hurt others, no matter if they're my friends or not."

Naruto then stared at the eye on the scythe, "And you, Soul Eater Evans, if that is your real name… Why are you even here? You're just a kid who was born lucky. Talented in music, but not enough to surpass your brother, you chose to become a weapon in order to try to stand out on your brother's shadow." The albino felt his connection with Maka waver a bit, "I know all about your type, at least you're not as bloodthirsty as others, but you still dream to surpass… no, destroy the title of second fiddle that someone born blessed gave you, don't you?"

The scythe boy bared his sharp teeth inside his weapon form, "Then how about you stop being so preachy and get to the fight already?! All I need to prove myself is that, isn't it?! You treacherous stalker!"

The blond opened his arms to his sides, brushing the insults with his body still leaned backwards, "Then come and give me your best shot!" he shouted with a grin that couldn't speak louder of how much he'd enjoy this.

The duo charged at him, trying to slice the blond in half, only to watch as he left in a yellow flash of light. Maka turned around as she heard footsteps behind her, the blond sitting on the edge of an opened window with a leg resting outside. He made a hand motion for her to come, which she did. She charged through the window just as the blond let himself fall back.

But there was a problem, "Where is he?!" the girl asked as she looked down the window to try to find the man. It was then she noted a shadow covering the light of a lamp post, covering her from the artificial light.

Maka and Soul turned to look up in shock as Naruto stood on the wall, walking on it like gravity was inverted or, even more ridiculous, like he was some sort of supernatural vampire with the lack of yellow clothing and a badass mullet. He even had his hands in his pockets and the way he looked at the kids below his nose irritated them but also frightened them. This guy was just toying with them and he knew he could beat them even if all he had to do was to sneeze. It was an oppressive thought to have no idea of his powers and that he seemed to sure of beating them, add that the fact he knew so much about them, and the idea of this man being beyond their league was very clear.

"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" Naruto said with a taunting smile.

Maka jumped out, and in just one instant she twirled her scythe partner, stabbed the blade on the wall, and twirled her body midair to stand on the wall and stare at Naruto eye to eye, "Stop trying to sound cool, old man, that's Soul's gig." The girl said as she tightened her grip, her partner chuckling at her quip.

Naruto gave them a wider smile before jumping off… and landing on a blue ethereal chain. The kids finally realized where they were: right where Naruto wanted them. The streets, every single inch in an enormous thirty yards radius, were covered by Naruto's chakra chains like a spider's web. They came at different angles, and neither Maka nor Soul could make out if they were connected or if Naruto was linked to them. All they knew was that the blond was standing several stories high in the air by walking on a chain, keeping his balance like he was in the circus walking the rope like an acrobat. He even leaned backwards once again, crossing his arms and keeping that pose without any problem for his balance.

"This is insane, how is he even doing this? Oi, Maka, can't you read anything on this guy or these chains? You've basically thrown a party when you managed to see a person's souls." The shark toothed boy said.

Maka sighed but blinked, "Ok, just give me a moment, this guy's aura is just…"

Naruto chuckled, "You're wide open!" he lunged at the girl with a flying kick.

Maka yelped and jumped off, kicking the wall she was in to yank Soul out of it so they could avoid the strike. She ended up landing on one of the chains, but due to her lack of balance she was forced to put another foot on a nearby one, "T-That was close…" she said with a ragged breath. She was pretty sure moving around these chains would prove a problem, but so far she hadn't been attacked when touching them. "It seems I can use these chains too." she stated as she moved a bit on them, only stopping when listening to a loud crack.

Naruto's right foot had sunk into the wall of the building, but by using his other foot for support, he yanked it out, leaving a hole in the building. "You are faster than I expected." Naruto said as he turned around and jumped towards another chain, this time standing a few yards above Maka with his hands on his pockets and he looked down on her.

"And you're more annoying than I remembered!" Maka growled and jumped up, using a chain as a step to jump a few yards higher, and then using Soul. She hooked the scythe's blade around one of the chains in order to swing around like she was in a videogame, swinging herself up to land on top of another chain, this time face to face with Naruto.

He then put his hands on his hips, staring at the girl, "If all you can do is chase me, you're nowhere near facing a real witch, little girl. Without hitting a target with the intent to kill it's all useless…" Here Naruto tried his best psychotic grin. He used this when remembering a certain crimson nine-tailed fox who met him, and the way his smile split his face to show his sharp fangs and the now crimson glow to his once blue eyes showed he could mimic the fox rather well, "Try it all you want, defeating the likes of me is useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! USELESS!"

Maka moved her feet back on the chains she stood, sliding them away from this man, "What an insane bloodlust… Is this Killing Intent?"

Naruto disappeared in another yellow flash, this time reappearing with his face inches from Maka's to show her his grin, "Don't stand there just talking or else how do you expect to have a chance of beating me?! Weakling! WEAKLING!" He roared as he brought his fists forward.

Maka and Soul cried as they tried to parry the man's punches. It was insane, for each blow came at the speed of a train. The girl twirled her partner around with all her might in order to create a shield of movement and a speeding spinning blade while the blond punched so hard and fast she was forced to step back if she so much as deflected the blows. And it was all she could do, every time the immortal punched, she was forced to use her scythe like a staff and move away his arm because she knew that if she blocked just one punch, no matter if she halted it dead in its tracks, the force behind it would send her flying back.

"Oi, Maka, we need to attack him! Just moving aside his strikes is making me feel a few bruises forming!"

"What?!" the girl said and looked back, jumping into one of the nearby chains, and as she struggled to keep her balance she spoke up, "How can he…" and her words died in her throat when she noticed that for every time she moved aside Naruto's strikes, a mark was shown on her partner's steel body.

Naruto remained where he was, his hands back in his pockets as he aimed a finger at the girl, "I used to be a meister, all meisters should know that a soul's wavelength can affect one's partner, Maka-chan." He twirled around his right shoulder, his right hand readying his fist, "However, those marks aren't because of my strikes alone… you and your partner are still out of tune to the point it's a bit sad you got so far without more training. Had you been in sync, he wouldn't have a single mark." he then held up the purple soul, "To think a couple of kids like you were after Blair's soul… Maybe I will find more sensible people to give it to them."

Maka growled, "Like Hell you are! Whatever is your scheme with Blair's soul, I'm not letting you use her after back-stabbing her already!"

Naruto's grin widened, "Then allow me to show you the end…" He said in his now smooth tone, actually having a ball at how much he was able to fool these kids. Cruel, yes, but oh so much fun for him.

Naruto had used another Hiraishin, now standing right behind Maka. The girl gasped as she tried to think what to do… she could have either used her partner to block the strike, or risk herself for his sake… An inspiration came as she swung her blade around and… to her shock, she had cut Naruto in two. Blood escaped the immortal's lips as he held his abdomen, which was splitting away from his legs.

Maka gasped at what she had done, "W-What was that…?"

"Kuh…" Naruto grunted, his eyes staring at Maka in shock, '_Damn it, I thought she wouldn't have sensed me. To think a girl, even with Kami's blood, could have sensed me… this girl's not normal… Oh well, good thing I'm unable to die._'

And thus, Maka felt herself falling along Naruto, gravity pulling her down, the feeling of her stomach sinking noticing her of this. Acting quickly, she spun Soul Around and nailed the blade on a wall, using it to slow down her fall to a halt. Naruto's stop was less harmonious as he fell both face first and ass first on the streets, his intestines flopping out from both ends of his bodies as he grunted.

From the immortal's body, a red orb floated up.

Maka just stared at it, and then at the man.

It was ridiculous to think someone of his power could have been taken out so easily.

But Soul came up with the perfect explanation, "Asshole was overconfident in that he could beat us… He pulled back all of his punches to mess with us. Guess you took him by surprise."

Maka nodded, "Yeah… I am… kinda disappointed. I thought it'd be a longer battle." She then approached the orb, just as her partner shifted back into a human with clear bruises. His right cheek had a nasty purple shade, his right arm sported marks similar to Hawaiian islands, and he had a limp as he approached the red orb.

"Well, bottoms up." He said as he grabbed the soul… unaware of how that sight made two people looking at the other side of the mirror pity him.

In his office, Death sighed, "Well, Naruto had his fun. To think he'd put such an act for a few laughs… He hasn't changed much."

Spirit groaned as he held his head, "I'm just glad Maka's not hurt, it seems he kept his promise there… Still, that Maka managed to strike him from behind… what do you think triggered it?"

Death chuckled, "Perhaps it's in her blood to fight against impossible odds. But I'm afraid that'll be of little comfort once she learns of how Naruto loves to trick enemies."

**XXXXXX**

**And that's my rap!**

**Sorry if the plot seemed a bit messy, I kinda went with what first came to mind to have my little fun.**

**I also didn't want this fight to be all big and with some sort of epic ending. I know it sounds lame and lazy but the main idea behind it was to have Naruto slip - though he planned to do so on purpose - and let the kids have the soul.**

**Basically, Naruto went his shinobi way to beat enemies with talent, i.e., outsmart said enemies with a plan so stupidly ridiculous and brave it just might work. Him acting like a villain is based on how Kakashi tested him and Team 7 to see if they could become official shinobi at the last part where he forced them to take hard choices, though in here was meant to see how they reacted to a madman trying to offer them power. Maka's hatred for traitors was based in… well, Spirit and his cheating.**

**And I guess I gave plenty of hints of what I thought of Kami sharing more than respect with Naruto.**

**Oh, and before I leave, random question: what were your honest thoughts on the intro of the fifth episode of Soul Eater Not? Mine were: "Well, yuri shippers will be parading over this."**

**Swordslinger out!**


End file.
